[X&Y] What To Do If You're Not "Mr. Perfect" (Reader Question}
Published: Sun, 03/23/14
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IN THIS EDITION: Do you really have to make sure every last one of
your self-perceived "sticking points" is handled in order to go out
with amazing women? Here's what a reader has to say...
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QUESTION FROM A READER: WHAT TO DO IF YOU'RE NOT "MR. PERFECT"
Hi Scot,
I'm real interested to hear your take on this.
I am a 50 yr. old man, who has been out of the dating scene for a
while. I am ready to get back in, but I have been suffering from
some thyroid issues that make me extremely tired at times.
I have always been a robust guy, been active and athletic. I am
otherwise in great shape for my age.
What I am concerned about is I want a woman who is active, but
until I get my health challenge handled, I probably wont be able to
keep up with that kind of woman.
Should I wait until my health turns around before dating so that I
can deserve what I want? Or should I go ahead and date now and
mention my situation only to women who I date more than a couple of
times?
This is a bummer because there are times when even a low-key date
like dinner and walking around a mall can wear me out.
All the best,
Milo (Glendale, California)
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Hello Milo, and thanks for writing.
I hear stories similar to yours so often that I'm beginning to
believe what you're struggling with is common to almost everyone,
at least generally speaking.
It seems it's human nature for us to pretty much "wait out" all of
our excuses until they're all perfectly handled to our satisfaction
before pronouncing ourselves "ready" to date a high quality women.
Well, the very last thing you want to do is wait until conditions
are "perfect" before dating again.
The obvious reason for this is that there will ALWAYS be some sort
of limiting belief you'll be able to come up with. As soon as one
is conquered, another one is likely to sprout up in its place.
But the more subtle reason is that sometimes what we think are
major issues really aren't so much to women.
I clearly remember telling myself shortly after my divorce that I
needed to cut 30 pounds before I could expect to date. It took a
few months to do that, and true to my "limiting belief" I didn't
date during that time.
Women indeed enjoyed my company when I did start dating, so I
initially felt pretty good about having waited.
But the crazy thing is that I ended up gaining the weight back (no
thanks to focusing on my social life at the expense of eating right
and working out, which is another newsletter altogether)...and I
didn't see any less interest from women.
If anything they were MORE interested, probably because of what I
had learned in the interim about how to understand what they're
really looking for in a man and how to create attraction.
I also remember thinking that no woman would EVER want to go out
with me once she found out I had a "crazy ex-wife". But lo and
behold, that never fazed any of the women I met in the least.
In fact, imagine the connection Emily and I enjoyed when we
realized that our respective exes were actually on the same
medication. Go figure.
So yes...get back out there and meet some women. The last thing
any woman expects you to be is "Mr. Perfect". Guys who come off
like that give women the creeps anyway.
When exactly you choose to tell them about your situation is
dependent upon each individual scenario, I'd say. But I would
agree with your suggestion that it's not first-date conversation.
Nothing medical is.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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