[X&Y] Should You Tell Current Girlfriends About Past Mistakes?

Published: Sun, 03/09/14



=====

WHAT'S INSIDE:  We've all got "skeletons in our closet", don't we?
How do you tell the woman you're seeing about them? ...Or should
you at all?

=====



AT LAST...THE PROGRAM FOR MATURE GUYS


If you've reached the milestone of your 40th birthday, you've
gotten to where you're looking at the world very differently
than you did when you were 21.

That can be a very good thing--especially if you want to be
an absolute hero in the minds of younger women.

Yesterday I told you about my friend Jeff Schechter and his
terrific program The Experienced Man:



http://www.scotrecommends.com/shecky



There has already been a LOT of interest in it, but today I
realized that I may have left something very, very important
out of my message yesterday.

That's this.

You know, there's a WHOLE LOT more that's meaningful to guys
40 and up than simply dating younger women.  And The Experienced
Man covers EVERY ANGLE of it.

In other words, this isn't JUST a "date younger women" program
...and that's what makes it unique.

When you get right down to it, this is what a lot of you guys
have been asking me about for YEARS.  And Jeff Schechter is
THE guy deliver the goods:



http://www.scotrecommends.com/shecky



Yes, I've gone through the program and it's expertly crafted
and beautifully presented...not to mention STACKED with genius.

We should expect nothing less.  With maturity comes, among
other things, attention to detail and commitment to excellence.



=====



SHOULD YOU TELL CURRENT GIRLFRIENDS ABOUT PAST MISTAKES?


Somewhere there's a "dark corner" of your past that you'd prefer
nobody found out about.  You'd love to keep it secret from just
about everyone you know, and maybe even forget about it yourself...as
if it never even happened.

Under normal, day-to-day circumstances we typically find it pretty
easy to keep our mouths shut. 

We don't go volunteering information about our prison record and/or
our former heroin addiction to hiring managers during job
interviews, do we?  We simply hope that a background check isn't
part of the hiring process.

But oddly, it seems like a switch gets flipped on inside of us when
we find ourselves attracted to a woman who actually likes us as
much as we like her.

We suddenly come down with a smokin' case of "diarrhea of the
mouth". 

Sounds gross, doesn't it?  Well the reality is even uglier than the
mental picture.

Simply stated, there's something about meeting a woman we're crazy
about that makes us want to bare our soul early and often,
blurting out stuff that she has no business hearing about just yet.

What in the world is up with that?

I once coached a guy whose girlfriend had just tested positive for
HIV.  They had been having lots of unprotected sex of the riskiest
possible kind, so he was understandably freaked out.

He tested negative, and then waited out the excruciatingly long six
months to find out whether or not he was still in the clear.

Indeed, there continued to be good news.  Even after nine months
the tests still returned nothing.

The doctors informed him that he was completely out of the woods.
There was zero chance medically that he had been infected by his
ex-girlfriend.

So he came to me, not with a question but with a statement.  "Don't
worry, Scot.  I'll be sure to man-up and tell every woman I ever
date from now on what happened.  I'm sure they'd want to know up
front."

My response was direct and immediate.  "On behalf of every woman
you ever date, I'd really encourage you NOT to do that."

He was utterly nonplussed by what I had just said.

But looking at it from a third-party perspective, I can't for the
life of me see why any human being--man or woman--would want that
bomb dropped on them...particularly when there's no good reason for
it other then to flip them the heck out.

"There's ZERO chance you've been infected by your ex-girlfriend", I
said, "so why burden your next girlfriend with so much as the URGE
to second-guess the medical profession?  All you'd be doing is
confronting her with potential worry over something that there's no
logical, scientific reason to be concerned about."

Relieved, he saw where I was coming from and proceeded accordingly.

Other guys I've talked to have felt compelled to talk about old
strip club habits, medical conditions, getting beaten up by the
school bully in 7th grade and even that one fateful tryst with a
prostitute...even while on the FIRST DATE with women.

Obviously, it almost never ends well.  There's seldom a joyful
response from a woman to the effect of, "Really?  You used to sleep
with prostitutes?  Well, I used to BE a prostitute...so I've finally
met a man who understands me!"

And why is that?  Probably because either, A) she WASN'T ever a
prostitute, or B) even if she was she would know better than to
admit it to some guy she'd just met.

Awkward.

So what's a guy to do?

Well, let's get down to "brass tacks" as we say here in Texas.  If
you are indeed the type of guy who feels compelled to "fess up"
to every peccadillo from your past to women you as yet barely know,
it's probably all due to the raging sense of GUILT.

Don't get me wrong, here.  If you've CURRENTLY got stuff going on
in your life that you honestly believe would disqualify you from
deserving what you want, then do what it takes to rid yourself of
those chains.

Meanwhile, if you feel the urge to lie about ANYTHING happening in
your life, resist it.  If and when the subject comes up, you'll need
to come clean.

For example, if you're currently "between jobs" or are a "closet
smoker", you've got to own it. 

Next, if there are past mistakes you've survived and bad habits
you've already broken, it's time to buckle down and FORGIVE
yourself.  You are NOT that guy anymore, so it makes no sense to
keep introducing him to women when you first meet them.

Now, I'm not going to assert a foolishly naive viewpoint here.  I
fully get that if and when you begin to see yourself in a long-term
exclusive relationship with a woman there are probably things she
might need to know.  

I'm hardly recommending that you become "Don Draper, Jr." here and
hide preposterous facts from a woman that could potentially affect
her life someday.

She'll probably need to find out about that felony you spent a few
nights in jail over, that bankruptcy you filed a couple of years
ago and/or what's in your medical records.

But it doesn't have to happen on the first freaking date...or the
second.  Wait until you understand yourselves to be mutually
compatible, THEN decide what, if any, hard truths she needs to know.

You don't keep it under your hat for a longer time than you should,
but you definitely bring it up when it's obvious you need to.

I'm not even going to discount the option of eventually admitting
you've slept with a prostitute, got fired from your first six jobs,
and/or any other hard things for a woman to hear that don't
actually have any real, objective consequence nowadays.

It's fine to be the kind of guy who doesn't keep ANYTHING from his
wife someday...all in good time. 

I'm not going to argue against that, especially if you have friends
who have dirt on you and might disclose it to your wife someday on
their own.

But that said, Emily and I personally have never felt the need to
share anything negative about our pasts that wasn't imminently
necessary to talk about, and we get along just fine.

For us, caring enough not to put one another through any
unnecessary traumatic mental images trumps "full disclosure".

But if you sense that you'll simply HAVE to tell your future wife
every lurid detail of what went on years ago, I do have a strong
suggestion.  Be absolutely, positively sure to screen every
potential girlfriend for how well she'd take the truth when she
finds out about it.

For example, if she's got very strong feelings about ever getting
intimate with any guy who'd sleep with a prostitute, you need to
face up to the fact that you're not her guy.  Period.  You made
your bed and now must sleep in it, if you'll pardon the bad pun.  

Watching one movie together where that theme comes up will tell you
what you need to know.  If her opinion on the matter doesn't make
itself obvious, you can lead by simply stating, "I wonder what
women think when a guy has been with a prostitute before."

Obviously, a similar strategy can be applied no matter what the
"sticky" circumstance is.

Hey guys, I understand that what we've covered today is a flat-out
difficult and altogether unpleasant subject.  In the end, you'll
need to let your conscience be the guide.

That said, I do trust I've given you the building blocks of
forgiving yourself and going as easy as you can on your future
girlfriends.


Be Good,

Scot McKay


P.S.  I'm seriously burning the midnight oil getting Behind
Closed Doors ready for you.  I'm particularly thrilled about
a MAJOR coup I pulled for you just yesterday.

Let's just say at the 11th hour I'm adding a bonus which will
be the cherry on top, no doubt.

I'll reveal all in good time.  More later...




=====




(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2014.  All Rights Reserved.


This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it.  If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly (and promptly) remove you from our mailing list.