[X&Y] "I Know You Are, But What Am I?" <--Letter From A Reader

Published: Sun, 05/18/14



=====

WHAT'S INSIDE:  Have you ever been duped by a woman into believing
YOU were the problem...but deep down you're almost sure that the very
problem she's accusing YOU of is actually HER OWN?  

If you even suspect that's happened to you, read this letter from
Mark in Las Cruces...

=====



THE ROAD TRIP PACKAGE


I've received several e-mails from guys who've got a road trip
coming up and would much rather use that time to get better with
women than to simply fill their brain with satellite radio
(although there's a place for that too).

Actually, you can also leverage shower time, workout time and the
daily commute to listen to audio, too--all in the name of giving you
that extra edge in whatever interests you.

For most of us, it's ALWAYS interesting to improve the quality of
our experiences with women.

How amazing would it be to raise the bar when it comes to the
women you're spending time with?

So with all of that in mind, I've come up with something brand new
for you.  I call it the "Road Trip Package".  

You can call it the "Daily Commute Package" instead, if you prefer.

What's in it?  Well, I've created a special 2-for-1 containing the
two programs of mine that are most jam-packed with content.

Those, of course, would be Virtuosity and The Difference.

Right now, get Virtuosity and I'll give you The Difference at no
extra charge:



www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity



What this all adds up to is the very best content from over four
dozen world-class experts, combined with over 100 jealously-guarded
secrets to success with women that almost nobody ever figures
out...ever.

How cool is that?  Extremely...according to the scores of guys who've
flooded my inbox with success stories.

Both Virtuosity and The Difference feature a non-stop, fluff free
stream of GOLDEN content....and TONS of it.

In fact, if you go through both programs completely and aren't
OBVIOUSLY better with women, I'll cheerfully give you 100% of your
money back.  And for what it's worth, if that's the case you'd
probably better go check and see if you can still fog a mirror.

Seriously, I think even my grandmother could get better with women
after listening to these two epic programs.  And she's heterosexual.

Why not "wake up" your dating life when you wake up in the morning?

And why not make that long drive through Nebraska a TON more
interesting?

Here's how:



www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity



No coupon code is necessary.  Simply order Virtuosity and I'll send
you full access to The Difference along with it.

But make sure you get in on this before Tuesday night at midnight
Texas Time (GMT -5).  That's when the doors close.



=====



LETTER FROM A READER


Hey Scot,

Hope this finds you well. A quick update on things out here.

Well I'd been seeing this gal I was rather fond of but made some
tactical errors along the way.

I'm in a bit of a funk right now, so bear with me.  But I'm working
thru the take away points in the spirit of self-improvement.

I now see first hand why you've been teaching me to take it slow
with a wait and see approach.

As I permitted myself to be locked down by a certain woman, I lost
all leadership status and spent the last two months being
emotionally blackmailed by her.

This has been pure misery and underscores the importance of having
dating options and not getting rid of those options because a woman
you're seeing wants to be exclusive.

Furthermore, I learned a valuable lesson in being aware of any
incongruencies. For example, although we were supposed to be in an
exclusive relationship, she didn't behave in a way that I would
expect a committed woman would.

Such as staying the night with me and then lying in bed with me the
next morning texting her guy "friend" co-worker about dinner
plans...this really upset me but I didn't say anything as I didn't
want to appear controlling.

I retrospect this is a violation of what you call The Golden Rule
In Reverse, or TGR-R.
    
This gal would say the most endearing things when we're together
but then needed her "space" and when I tried to make plans with her
she would throw out the "controlling" card and say she's
done...only to come back for sex and start the whole cycle again.

She would say she adores me, loves spending time with me, can't
wait to see me etc., but dare I mention getting together more than
a couple times a week or question this so called "friend" she would
have a melt down.

Any advice/thoughts would be helpful and much appreciated.


Cheers,

Mark (Las Cruces, NM)



=====



Hello Mark and thanks for writing.

As you might have guessed, you've touched upon a phenomenon that
affects TONS of guys, yet one I don't remember discussing recently
at all.  

So it's time to do so...right here and now.

To begin with, I suppose one really does need some time to
put all of the theory we learn along the way into practice,
see it in motion and really experience the ramifications
of it all first hand.  

So ultimately, it's all part of the process--even if it rather
painfully brings up the need for fine-tuning.

I would agree 100% with each of the observations you made.  The
good news there is that you've absorbed the experiences and already
have turned them into wisdom for the future.

One angle I would add is that this woman really appears to be a
"controlling" type herself, having locked you down into exclusivity
quickly only to flaunt it before your very eyes.  

A very common modus operandi for such people (men or women) is to
accuse the other partner of what they themselves are clearly doing,
sort of as a pre-emptive strike.
 
It's all kind of reminiscent of a school kid saying, "I know you
are, but what am I?" whenever a peer calls him names.
    
(On a less humorous note, it's also a device used by those who
suffer from certain serious mental illnesses.  Talk about "danger
signs"...)

Anyway, assuming the other partner remains passive and chooses to
avoid conflict, that effectively takes the issue off the table for
discussion indefinitely, if not forever.

As such, with the fear of being perceived as a "controller" firmly
instilled in his or her partner, the manipulator (her in this case)
can freely, well, "control".   

Before you even realize what hit you, you've been had...yet you
somehow stick around anyway, thinking YOU'RE the problem.

Obviously, any chance of a mutually beneficial long-term
relationship there is COOKED.

In the future, the way to mitigate against this is by having
options and limiting your personal emotional investment up front.  

I talk often about how it's unethical to keep women in your life
who are falling in love with you when you already know that you
have no long-term intentions.  

Mostly that's because such women become VERY vulnerable to
manipulation--often to the point of openly and readily expecting it
and even gladly enduring it.

Now you know first hand that this phenomenon is not gender-specific.

So then, how would a man who's a chooser rather than a chaser
handle all of this?

Well, for starters you wouldn't have agreed to exclusivity so soon.
 
And even if you had, you would have pulled the plug on that
arrangement as soon as it was apparent the design was expressly to
keep YOU under "control".

Similarly, at the first sign of gross violation of the exclusivity
pact, you would have simply informed her that it was no longer in
effect.  Period, end of story.

Only fear of loss causes one's thoughts to turn to how the
relationship can be salvaged in that case.   

But perhaps ironically, literally (but tactfully) kicking her out
of bed and inviting her to get the hell out would have been the
single best way to re-assert masculine control over the situation.

That would have served notice that you can't be walked all over
like a carpet.  

See, the more one passively accepts what's going on, the WORSE the
problem will get--even as she respects the guy less and less.

It's ye olde "pushing of the envelope".

Finally, I would add that this particular woman's pattern of
"calendar management" is the hallmark of a "player"...and yes,
those absolutely do come in the female variety.   

The schedule of your time together was under her control because
a) you let it be, and  b) because she had other guys to fit into it.

Again, in that context she was able to keep you faithful to her
because you didn't want to come off as a "controller", along with
the simple fact that you had greater emotional investment in the
relationship than she did.   

This is the perfect storm for harem creation, regardless of the
gender of the "harem builder".

And now, here is the breathtaking irony of it all.  

Assuming that you would have been okay with continuation of a
casual relationship with this chick (and I admit that's perhaps an
incorrect assumption), you would have doubtlessly been MORE
successful with her had you boldly moved to show her you were more
than willing to excuse HER from your life before ever excusing her
unacceptable behavior.

For example, had you kicked her out of bed without any drama and/or
any need to elaborate upon what should be a clear reason why, my
edumckayted guess is that she would have come back to you later
with profuse apologies.

To be sure, that's not exactly the healthiest way to conduct a
male/female friendship regardless, but you can see how the dynamic
would have been different nonetheless.

Whoever is "chasing" is not in control of his OR her dating life.  

And regardless of what you may have read in marketing copy
elsewhere, "getting women to chase you" is a dysfunctional
arrangement in its own right.

In a healthy relationship BOTH partners are "choosers", and both
partners are equally grateful for having been chosen by the other.  

Everyone's personal power is dignified, and naturally everyone's
choice is respected.

Before closing, there are a few other points regarding this
particular woman that I'd be remiss if I didn't address.

For starters, as I see it any woman who violates "TGR-R" is skating
on thin ice from the very first infraction.

But to be so flaky as to tell you she's "done" after you've filed
very reasonable grievances is even more troubling.

And to sweep it all under the carpet (and expect carte blanche
acceptance from you) the next time she's horny is the epitome of a
"red flag", if you ask me.

Add it all up, and the longer it all goes on the less you're being
respected...by either her OR yourself.


Be Good,

Scot McKay

 
P.S.  Looking at my newsletter calendar, I've got some pretty outrageous
stuff coming up for you, so definitely stay tuned...




=====




(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2014.  All Rights Reserved.


This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it.  If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly (and promptly) remove you from our mailing list.