[X&Y] 2 Types Of Women: You'll End Up With One Or The Other
Published: Wed, 07/16/14
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IN THIS EDITION: Why do we date a woman for like two years...only to
break up with her eventually anyway?
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WHAT TRUE SUCCESS WITH WOMEN LOOKS LIKE
Just yesterday I was on the phone with one of you guys, and a
recurring theme came up once again.
It seems that once guys get over approach anxiety and actually
start meeting women, they quickly realize that simply getting a
woman's number doesn't really equal "success".
If they're online, getting a woman to write them back doesn't
necessarily bring real satisfaction either.
In fact, getting the first date or even having sex with a woman
doesn't turn out to be enough either.
The bottom line is that unless we feel like WE are in control of
our relationships with women, we're going to be frustrated.
Think about that for a second.
For many guys, getting the first date and/or getting physical with
a woman only to have her say, "thanks, but no thanks" shortly
thereafter hurts even MORE than if they'd never even approached her
at all.
It's a lot like being part of a sports team that makes it to the
championship game...only to lose. That's even more painful than not
making the playoffs to begin with.
TRUE success with women means not only attracting them at the
beginning but CONTINUING to keep them amazed by you and hot for you
for as long as YOU want them to be.
That's an art form that's not talked about much, unfortunately.
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF WOMEN, AND YOU'LL END UP WITH ONE OR THE OTHER
I like hearing from Match.com. As you know, Emily and I met on
there so I particularly enjoy contributing content to their online
magazine and their blog.
So when I got a call the other day from a freelance journalist who
was writing an article for them, I was happy to take time out and
give my two cents.
The question her article was attempting to cover was a whopper.
"So Scot," she started, "what we want to know is why some men date
a woman for two years, all the while avoiding putting a ring on her
finger. But then, after they finally break up he ends up engaged
to the very next girl he dates within, like, a month. Why does
that always seem to happen?"
Ha...yeah, it seems like that is indeed the case surprisingly often,
isn't it?
In fact, let me ask you. Have YOU ever dated someone for at least
a year, but when she started to bug you about getting married you,
well...just tried to keep her at bay?
A lot of us have. Why do we do that?
Well, as I explained what's going on there to the lady on the other
end of the phone she was subtly indignant at first. But soon she
began to realize that I was telling it like it is.
You see, the question really doesn't have as much to do with US as
men as the women who are negatively affected by this weird
phenomenon would like to think.
Indeed, you can't really call us "commitment phobes", for example,
if our "phobia" is suddenly cured when the next woman comes along.
The truth of the matter, for all intents and purposes, is that
there are two types of women.
There are women men WANT to commit to, and there are women men who
don't perceive themselves as having a lot of options want to "hang
out with" until someone better comes along.
Or to put it in more practical terms, there are women whose
boyfriends hem and haw for years before finally dumping them or
(worse) feeling guilt-tripped into marriage.
Meanwhile, there are others who can't go on a third date without
every guy showing up with a diamond ring.
Depending on the WOMAN, she'll either suffer from the problem we're
discussing here repeatedly or never experience it at all.
It's not a "guy thing". It's a "woman thing".
We as guys? We tend to be the same, at least relative to this
particular issue. Steady as an arrow, in fact.
Simply stated, if a woman inspires TRUST in us, we want to keep her
around.
But if we feel like she's got some sort of double-standard
working or that she's somehow blowing smoke up our kilts sometimes,
we're NOT going to commit to her.
We're deathly afraid of being humiliated by a woman, and for good
reason. If we suspect she wouldn't be faithful to us and/or be
supportive of our life purpose, we rightfully believe she'd let us
down. That would emasculate us.
But hey, if there aren't any other women beating the door down to
be with us, we'll keep such a woman around if the sex is okay. It
beats being alone or even starting over, at least until the shoe
drops.Needless to say, this is settling. But men do it all the time.
Just don't expect them to go quietly without a fuss to the altar.
Any woman who cannot inspire trust is going to require all the
leverage she can muster to drag her boyfriend there.
But what about the woman who EVERY guy she dates seems to want to
lock down before some other, luckier guy does?
She is a woman who knows how to be her guy's biggest cheerleader.
She respects him and only has eyes for him.
She subscribes to the idea that men and women should BOTH be
quality individuals of character. She doesn't buy the meme that
she's a "divine goddess" who can do no wrong and all men are
"jerks".
Let's face it, ANY woman who's initially attractive to guys is
likely cute, friendly and feminine. But I've just described to
you, like I did to the writer for Match.com, what makes us want to
MARRY a woman rather than simply tolerate her until a better one
comes along.
What does this REALLY all come down to? As usual, it's about
deserving what you want.
Women who are willing to represent what a real man wants in a woman
are marriage material in our eyes. They're givers rather than
takers by nature.Meanwhile, women who feel entitled to having a boyfriend who'll
give them whatever they want and do whatever they want them to do
DESPITE their own actions are NOT who we want to commit to.
Sure, if the sex is good we might stick around a while. But it
really won't make us happy.
By the end of my discussion with the freelance reporter she
confided in me that I was the only dating expert of the several she
had talked to who had given a compelling answer to the question.
Indeed. We call out the truth around here, don't we though?
So how about it? Are you a guy who'll put up with a woman who you
don't really want to commit to, or are your standards high enough
that you recognize a woman who is a giver and who will appreciate
what you have to offer her?In order to invite the right kind of women into your life, you'll
absolutely, positively need to be a guy who deserves what he wants.
Are you ready and willing to represent to a woman what SHE needs?
Granted, it's a lot easier to be that guy when a woman treats you
right, but the leadership must come from you first.
Be a man who has a woman's best interests at heart instead of
focusing so much on what YOU want. You'll be amazed to see that
the women who are givers almost flock to you in return.
Life is truly good when both of you look out for each other first.
The tragic part is that precious few people in this age of
self-absorption and immediate gratification still recognize that
basic truth.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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