[X&Y] When She's From Another Country [Reader Question]
Published: Wed, 03/11/15
=====
IN THIS EDITION: Understanding women can be tricky enough. So
what happens when cultural differences make things even more
complicated?
=====
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=====
QUESTION FROM A READER
The other day I took this girl out who is from Laos. Really cool
(and cheeky) chick.
Anyway as the date was going on I felt it time to kiss her, I
leaned in and as I got close she pulled back. She then tells me
that they don't kiss is Laos. Hmm...
So I asked her how dating is in Laos. She said there is handholding
and things like that. So I put my arm around her and said ok, if it
gets uncomfortable tell me.
The rest of the date was fine, we both had fun, I was holding her
hand as we walked, and arm around her when we were seated or standing
at the traffic lights waiting to cross the road, but with no
complaints.
I want to know how can I be in a situation where she would want to
kiss me? I totally want to respect her customs, but here in
Australia, we kiss. Also is this some kind of test? Do you think
sex would be also taboo for her?
If you could shed some light on this it would be awesome.
Cheers mate,
Ethan (Australia)
=====
OK Ethan, this is a really, really good question.
I've definitely seen women cite cultural customs as roadblocks.
Then again, I've also known plenty of women who meant it.
I happen to know that there is indeed a strict ban on public
display of affection in Laos, and that kissing someone in public
there is nothing short of offensive to the masses.
It wouldn't hurt to study up on Lao culture and see if you discover
any further info, especially as it relates to what might happen
in private rather than in public.
But that's really just for your own well being.
It doesn't really matter one bit whether they kiss early on in
relationships in Laos or not. That is, unless they don't kiss AT
ALL or something, and you can't deal with that forever, potentially.
Here's what I mean.
The woman clearly likes you. So there are two key things to
remember, both of them centered around getting YOU out of your own
head:
1) Not all women have flimsy world views/moral structures that they
are easily willing to compromise.
If a woman has set standards for herself, you simply can't take it
personally when she actually (gofigure...) lives up to them.
Further, if you respect her standards and customs as you mentioned,
you likewise cannot spend any time trying to figure out how to
circumvent them. That would not be in her best interest, and at
that point you'd become an aggressor in this relationship.
Remember...if a woman is not comfortable with you, you're toast.
And if she thinks at all that your only interest is in getting her
to compromise her morality, then she's just not going to stick
around for very long.
2) The whole idea of women "testing" men as generally defined
elsewhere is somewhat overblown.
Women protect themselves from potential manipulators when they
feel they should...whether that threat is real or not.
If she perceived such a threat, the defense mechanism will go up.
A woman who likes you, feels comfortable around you and acknowledges
your masculinity doesn't sense the need to drive you away, unless she
has an unhealthy fear of success that haunts her.
If you can be a man who is NOT sex-focused, and can enjoy her company
--maybe excluding the hand holding and such for the time being--then
you'll build the all-important feeling of security in her in no time.
Then you simply ignite her femininity, as a masculine man should.
No pressure...just security, a plan of action at all times for the
dates you go on, calm laid-back motions and no overreactions.
Enjoy her feminine presence, and allow her the freedom to enjoy
your masculine presence in response. From there great things
happen.
If her words about not kissing in Laos were an overstatement in
the general sense (i.e. not just as far as PDA goes), you'll know
the extent of that soon enough under such circumstances.
Remember, it's not ALWAYS about something you did "wrong". And
the most "right" thing you can do is build her comfort level and
trust...but it has to be the real thing.
From there, you'll get responses from women that will blow your mind.
=====
There are terrific women all over the world.
Understanding what their thoughts, dreams and desires are is
immensely challenging for most guys, even if they were born in
raised in the very same neighborhood as themselves.
If you are like me, you can only imagine what it's like for Ethan
to try to sort everything out given the diverse cultural
differences between Australia and Laos.
But you know, I see this as yet another kind of "high quality
problem".
After all, I give Ethan major kudos for being bold enough to meet a
woman from a different part of the world and expect the best when
it comes to having a solid relationship with her.
Fortunately, being a MAN who can IGNITE FEMININITY knows no
national boundaries. Just because it's not customary in Lao
culture to show public affection doesn't mean that ATTRACTION isn't
present.
What would it take for you to have the freedom in your life to
attract whichever women you favored the most?
And do you have AN ACTUAL PLAN for going from "what do I do next?"
mode to living a naturally flowing and immensely rich life...having
developed the RIGHT habits to get you there?
If not, are you ready to GET a plan?
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2015. All Rights Reserved.
QUESTION FROM A READER
The other day I took this girl out who is from Laos. Really cool
(and cheeky) chick.
Anyway as the date was going on I felt it time to kiss her, I
leaned in and as I got close she pulled back. She then tells me
that they don't kiss is Laos. Hmm...
So I asked her how dating is in Laos. She said there is handholding
and things like that. So I put my arm around her and said ok, if it
gets uncomfortable tell me.
The rest of the date was fine, we both had fun, I was holding her
hand as we walked, and arm around her when we were seated or standing
at the traffic lights waiting to cross the road, but with no
complaints.
I want to know how can I be in a situation where she would want to
kiss me? I totally want to respect her customs, but here in
Australia, we kiss. Also is this some kind of test? Do you think
sex would be also taboo for her?
If you could shed some light on this it would be awesome.
Cheers mate,
Ethan (Australia)
=====
OK Ethan, this is a really, really good question.
I've definitely seen women cite cultural customs as roadblocks.
Then again, I've also known plenty of women who meant it.
I happen to know that there is indeed a strict ban on public
display of affection in Laos, and that kissing someone in public
there is nothing short of offensive to the masses.
It wouldn't hurt to study up on Lao culture and see if you discover
any further info, especially as it relates to what might happen
in private rather than in public.
But that's really just for your own well being.
It doesn't really matter one bit whether they kiss early on in
relationships in Laos or not. That is, unless they don't kiss AT
ALL or something, and you can't deal with that forever, potentially.
Here's what I mean.
The woman clearly likes you. So there are two key things to
remember, both of them centered around getting YOU out of your own
head:
1) Not all women have flimsy world views/moral structures that they
are easily willing to compromise.
If a woman has set standards for herself, you simply can't take it
personally when she actually (gofigure...) lives up to them.
Further, if you respect her standards and customs as you mentioned,
you likewise cannot spend any time trying to figure out how to
circumvent them. That would not be in her best interest, and at
that point you'd become an aggressor in this relationship.
Remember...if a woman is not comfortable with you, you're toast.
And if she thinks at all that your only interest is in getting her
to compromise her morality, then she's just not going to stick
around for very long.
2) The whole idea of women "testing" men as generally defined
elsewhere is somewhat overblown.
Women protect themselves from potential manipulators when they
feel they should...whether that threat is real or not.
If she perceived such a threat, the defense mechanism will go up.
A woman who likes you, feels comfortable around you and acknowledges
your masculinity doesn't sense the need to drive you away, unless she
has an unhealthy fear of success that haunts her.
If you can be a man who is NOT sex-focused, and can enjoy her company
--maybe excluding the hand holding and such for the time being--then
you'll build the all-important feeling of security in her in no time.
Then you simply ignite her femininity, as a masculine man should.
No pressure...just security, a plan of action at all times for the
dates you go on, calm laid-back motions and no overreactions.
Enjoy her feminine presence, and allow her the freedom to enjoy
your masculine presence in response. From there great things
happen.
If her words about not kissing in Laos were an overstatement in
the general sense (i.e. not just as far as PDA goes), you'll know
the extent of that soon enough under such circumstances.
Remember, it's not ALWAYS about something you did "wrong". And
the most "right" thing you can do is build her comfort level and
trust...but it has to be the real thing.
From there, you'll get responses from women that will blow your mind.
=====
There are terrific women all over the world.
Understanding what their thoughts, dreams and desires are is
immensely challenging for most guys, even if they were born in
raised in the very same neighborhood as themselves.
If you are like me, you can only imagine what it's like for Ethan
to try to sort everything out given the diverse cultural
differences between Australia and Laos.
But you know, I see this as yet another kind of "high quality
problem".
After all, I give Ethan major kudos for being bold enough to meet a
woman from a different part of the world and expect the best when
it comes to having a solid relationship with her.
Fortunately, being a MAN who can IGNITE FEMININITY knows no
national boundaries. Just because it's not customary in Lao
culture to show public affection doesn't mean that ATTRACTION isn't
present.
What would it take for you to have the freedom in your life to
attract whichever women you favored the most?
And do you have AN ACTUAL PLAN for going from "what do I do next?"
mode to living a naturally flowing and immensely rich life...having
developed the RIGHT habits to get you there?
If not, are you ready to GET a plan?
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2015. All Rights Reserved.
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