[X&Y] How To Have Confidence When Calling Women

Published: Fri, 08/22/14



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IN THIS EDITION:  How do you summon the confidence to pick up the
phone and call a woman for the first time?  Here are real,
practical ways to blast through the barriers and gain REAL
confidence...

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WHY NOT LET WOMEN THEMSELVES GIVE YOU THE CONFIDENCE YOU NEED?


Today I'm going to show you some very real ways to be confident
in that all-important moment when you pick up the phone to call
a woman.

But wait a minute...

What if women all around you practically showered you with
approval automatically?

In other words, you didn't have to WONDER if they liked you
because they were already SHOWING you how much they do.

And how about if you never had to concern yourself with messing
up because you were ALREADY succeeding?

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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS

 
Here's the thing, I've got this annoying little inner critic in
my head (yes I'm listening to voices but it ain't like that).

Every time I attempt to do something productive with a woman (call
her, ask her out, try to make a move, etc.) the voice starts yapping
at me, "You're gonna blow it. She's too good for you." etc.  You know,
that kind of negative thinking.  

When it goes well (which it usually does) I don't hear this voice.
 
Nevertheless, I always feel everything must be right before I try
to make that call, move, etc.
 
If you can understand my question, here it is:  Is there a way to
shut this voice up before you make that call? And if there isn't,
how can I mask it to where the woman I'm calling doesn't know
because if she likes me I feel like she'll be a little on guard too.
 
But I have to keep in mind (and it isn't easy) that even when Ted
Williams hit .406 he still failed almost 60% of the time and that
season is considered the best offensive season in baseball history.


Randy  (Webb, AL)



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Hey Randy:


Thanks for writing.  

I think all of this boils down to the danger of unfairly idealizing
women.

I'm not talking in the honorable or chivalrous sense but rather
flat-out idealizing them as if they're better and/or more evolved
than you simply because they are attractive and female.
 
But women actually feel the same way we do on many levels, and suffer
from common human imperfection...even the hottest of them.   

The problem is that when the "halo effect" of attraction takes hold,
you likely don't figure this out until much later--after you get to
know them some.
 
I'll never forget the time I met a woman online who came to my
house the first time I ever met her.  When she walked through the
door I thought I had literally hit the jackpot.  
 
It was all I could do to contain myself at the time, but I suppose
I must have managed because I ended up seeing her again...and again.  
 
But as we started to hang out together more, she turned out to have
an amazing case of low self-esteem and began talking with
increasing frequency about not deserving a great relationship.  

She began apologizing for everything.  She was wondering aloud if I
could possibly like her and think of her as attractive, etc.  
 
When I first met this woman I would never have guessed that she
would expect ANY man to reject her, regardless of who he was.  

But eventually, to be quite honest, her feeling of personal
inadequacy proved so severe that it's what caused me to end the
relationship with her.
 
Thinking about it, it was very much a self-fulfilling prophecy
for her.
 
So yes...when you encounter a woman that the "voice" is telling you
there's no chance with, she could actually be perceiving YOU as
"too good to be true"--maybe even potentially the greatest thing
that's ever happened to her.  
 
But if you "fail to deploy" YOU deny her that chance, don't you?
 
Now on the other hand, I don't want to give you a pep talk only
to have you come face-to-face with harsh reality.

It's very true you must become at peace with several potential
reasons why women may not respond to you in the way you'd like at
times.  It's unreasonable to expect that every interaction with
every woman will meet your every need at all times.  

Yet, if you are a man who deserves what he wants, this is NEVER any
reason for personal alarm.  
 
Let's see.  She may not be in a positive frame of mind at the
moment you call her...so she gets snippy with you.  

There's never any excuse for being less than personable with people
who mean you no harm, but it happens nonetheless.  Maybe you dodged
the proverbial bullet there, but either way it's not a "you" issue.

Or, if her mindset is similar to that of the woman in the example I
gave, she may have a nagging belief that she would disappoint you
and therefore get hurt, so she just avoids going out with you at
all.  

This never fails to leave a guy thinking it's his own problem.  But
nothing could be further from the truth.
 
You may very well be disappointed by a particular woman's reaction
at times, but the truth of the matter is that there are plenty of
people who will disappoint you more and more even after you get to
know them--mind-blowing hotties being a non-exception.
 
Knowing all of this, remain focused on the simple fact that women
will tend to respond powerfully to your leadership as a man.  

Were you to call her with a tentative, sheepish demeanor she'll
indeed pick up on that as you've suggested, and perhaps respond in
kind.  You can try to "mask" it, but it's ALWAYS better simply to
do away with it entirely.

If thinking about Ted Williams hasn't helped so far, try thinking
about the very real factors I've shared with you.  Besides, it's
too early in the relationship to have to "think about baseball",
right?
 
Ultimately, if you put aside any concern over rejection or any
other possible outcome that's not favorable to you, there's all the
more chance she WILL in fact respond favorably to you after all.
And it will be that real confidence that gives you the edge.
 
And that's the kind of confidence those pills you see on TV can't
ever give you, right?  After all, if you don't have confidence when
your trousers are on, then you're starting from the wrong place to
begin with.   
 

Be Good,

Scot McKay




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Quick Reference -- Scot's Programs:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/programs

Quick Reference -- Scot's Books:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/books

Get 1-On-1 Coaching
http://www.dating-coaches.com

The "Big Four" Explained:
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