[X&Y] Why Women Don't Care About Your Looks As Much As You Think They Do
Published: Fri, 01/23/15
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IN THIS EDITION: Apparently some guys still believe that they're
not getting anywhere with women because they're not good lookingenough. Let's handle that once and for all.
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THE SECRET TO GETTING STUFF DONE
One of the signs that a man is a true badass is that he gets
the job done.
It doesn't matter WHAT the job is. He comes through in the
clutch, and when he does his work is top-notch.
What he does with his time proves MEANINGFUL to both himself
and those around him.
In other words, he's PRODUCTIVE.
And see, if YOU are that guy, then your life is infinitely
better as a direct result. You earn the respect of your fellow
men, and yes...the adoration of women.
So how come almost EVERY one of us struggles with the
frustrating feeling that we're just "spinning our wheels"
most of the time instead of actually getting anywhere?
How in the world do we end that madness, and replace it with
an all-new sense of motivation and the skills to be laser-
focused and ultra-efficient?
A few days ago I told you about a new course from Eben Pagan,
who you may also know as David DeAngelo. To say this guy has
mastered the art of productivity would be an understatement:
His businesses earn over $20M per year, and he consistently
comes out with newer and better ideas. The dude is a MACHINE.
Right now there's still time to get in on the New Year Edition
of his Wake Up Productive course, but this is your official
LAST CALL because it closes TONIGHT:
What difference would it make in YOUR life if you knew that
you could make good decisions FAST, move on a project at record
speed, and streamline your workflow so that you accomplished
all of your goals while actually leaving MORE extra time for
the fun stuff?
I highly recommend Eben's course. Let's just say it gets the
job done, and so will you.
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WHY WOMEN DON'T CARE AS MUCH ABOUT YOUR LOOKS AS YOU THINK THEY DO
Sure, I know what you're saying even as you read the title above.
"OK then, how come women go nuts over all those prettyboy actors?
And why do they openly talk about how physically attractive guys
are when they're hanging out together?"
I'm not going to lie to you. If a guy LOOKS GOOD to a woman, she'll
notice.
But remember, women are wired differently than we are.
We tend to focus on a woman's physical beauty. And usually, if
we don't find her hot she has little chance with us.
But with women, if you watch closely they'll often notice guys from
afar who you wouldn't necessarily expect them to.
Meanwhile, when it comes to the guy YOU may have automatically
assumed was your biggest "competition" in a particular social
setting, women just roll their eyes.
Why is this?
Well, for starters, your idea of "masculine" may be different than
a woman's. If you're thinking in terms of a "man's man", she's
thinking more in terms of what IGNITES her femininity.
Big difference.
I call it "The Clark Kent Factor".
You know the story with Superman. His public persona is that of
"mild mannered" Clark Kent. The tentative, somewhat scattered "Mr.
Nice Guy" who Lois Lane, of course, sees as "just a friend".
He's unsure of himself. He is usually dependent on others for
guidance and leadership. He doesn't really have a plan. And he
speaks in a hushed tone, with a higher pitch than seems appropriate.
Meanwhile, Superman has no such issues. Lois is overwhelmed with
animal attraction when HE'S around.
And here's the kicker: It's the SAME GUY. Therefore, both Clark
Kent and his alter ego Superman have the same level of "natural
giftedness" in the looks department, right?
You could even argue that Superman still rules DESPITE the simple
fact that Clark Kent sports a smart business suit whereas Superman
has the added "liability" of wearing blue and red spandex.
Whatever.
It's WHO SUPERMAN IS that makes him PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE to Lois
Lane.
"Yes Scot, but that's FICTIONAL", you may be saying to yourself.
Granted. But the example is rooted in pure truth.
For example, Emily and I went on a nice trip to Japan and Korea
about five years ago.
While in Seoul, we booked a visit to the infamous DMZ, which has
always fascinated me.
Since the DMZ is the "no mans land" between North and South Korea,
who are still technically at war with each other, the tour was
actually guided by a U.S. Army MP.
Since I love my job, I tend to find it difficult to leave "work" at
home even when on vacation.
So I watched closely as the MP confidently boarded the bus, flashed
a friendly but decisively competent smile, and proceeded to tell us
very directly what we could expect from the morning and what the
"ground rules" were.
"I'm going to make sure you see everything that's important, but
please remember not to wave or gesture to any North Koreans along
the way. If you do, I'm going to have to remove you from the tour,
send you back to the bus and deal with the 'situation' after we get
back here to the base. And believe me, I'd much rather you enjoy
the tour as much as everyone else instead."
He was reasonable and direct, without being a douchebag about it.
He had done this tour at least a hundred times and it showed.
Suffice it to say we all paid attention. And as expected, nobody
created an "international incident". Nice.
BUT...the guy was approachable enough that everyone chimed in with
questions, which he cheerfully and competently answered.
He respected everyone on the tour, and fully expected to BE
respected in return. It was a "non issue" for him, and therefore
it was likewise a "non issue" for all of us.
Sooner than later it occurred to me that this guy's appearance was
VERY, VERY average in just about every respect.
He was of average height and build. And while his face wouldn't
scare small children, he wasn't going to be gracing the cover of GQ
anytime soon.
This was no "prettyboy" magazine model.
But he was CLEARLY a "big four" man. You know...confident, masculine
in the way women define it, able to make a woman (and everyone else,frankly) feel safe and comfortable in his presence, and of solid
character.
One of the great benefits I enjoy while traveling, obviously, is
Emily's company.
In fact, sharing world travels and the life-long memories that go
along with them is one of many, many reasons why being in a great
long-term relationship beats the tar out of one-night stands.
As such, since she was sitting next to me on the bus I asked her,
"So, do you think this guy has any trouble getting a date?"
"Oh goodness no", was her immediate response...after spontaneous
laughter.
Indeed.
To say he was confident would be an understatement. Yet, his clear
sense of sober judgment about himself (as opposed to arrogance)
combined with a clear ability to put us at ease even in that crazy
place was nothing short of amazing.
We were visiting what is unquestionably one of the most politically
tense areas on Earth, yet everyone was laid back about it.And as far as character goes, there was just something about how he
carried himself that openly demonstrated that passing the necessary
background checks to be in the position he was in must have been no
problem.
I turned to Emily again and said, "OK, now imagine the same guy in
another setting. More tentative, not quite as confident. Maybe
more of an approval-seeking 'Mr. Nice Guy'. There'd be a big
difference in how attractive he is to women, huh?"
"Is that a trick question?" Emily replied...again with a laugh.
No kidding. Were this guy to have been lacking in the "big four"
department, he'd be "Mr. Normal". He wouldn't be leading tours to the border between North and South
Korea, that's for sure. And he wouldn't be the kind of man women
notice.
But the fact remained. Perhaps ironically, even while wearing
camouflage this guy stood out from "the crowd".
As a matter of fact, we downloaded an old documentary on North Korea
from Netflix a couple of weeks ago, and guess who they interviewed
when they got to the DMZ? No kidding...it was the same guy who
guided our tour. I'm sure that was no coincidence.
So what's the takeaway?
Simply this: Even if you are average (or even below average) in
the "natural looks" department, it's going to be the "big four"
that TRULY decide whether women NOTICE you or not. Sure, take care of yourself. Brush your teeth and don't dress like
a slob.
But remember "The Clark Kent Factor" always, and continue to
fine-tune the "big four" in your life until you become your own
version of Superman in your own "natural habitat", which ispresumably somewhere outside the DMZ.
And by all means do so without the tights, please.
P.S. Did you catch Episode 68 of The Chick Whisperer Podcast
yet? Funny stuff this time as we talk about dating after divorce:
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