[X&Y] How To Give Her Compliments Without Looking Needy Or Desperate
Published: Thu, 01/15/15
=====
IN THIS EDITION: Doesn't giving a woman compliments make a guy
look needy and desperate? Not necessarily. While flattery may get you nowhere, she's got to know you're at least interested. Here's
the more evolved way to proceed...
=====
BAZOOKAS, KNIFE FIGHTS, ETC.
When we set out to produce the very first X & Y Communications
advanced program, my main goal was to "bring a bazooka to a knife
fight".
In other words, it was important that our very first major effort
in that regard was a MASSIVE one.
The end result was Virtuosity, which to this day delivers absolutely
more "bang for the buck" than any other program out there on how to
get better with women:
Virtuosity has been described as "blissful overkill" by an
Australian guy who experienced it when it was first released.
Included are co-hosted sessions with OVER FORTY world-class
experts, a full-length e-book, a powerful set of core audios, and
a whole lot of bonuses.
Seriously...just about every topic you can think of is covered in one
way or another.
In fact, when I first introduced Virtuosity, I said it was like a
smorgasbord from which you could pick and choose the audios that
interested you...all without having to buy EVERY program from EVERY
guru.
But amazingly, so many guys reported having devoured EVERY SINGLE
BIT of it that I stopped even suggesting the "smorgasbord" approach.
Now just because there's an abundance of "quantity" doesn't always
mean that "quality" has to suffer. Not at all.
In this case, you can expect the high level of excellence you've
come to expect from X & Y Communications.
And even at its regular price of $97 Virtuosity is truly a
jam-packed, content-rich program that will enhance your abilities
with women from just about every conceivable angle.
But you know what kind of mood I've been in lately...
So for the next 48 hours you can use the coupon code
virtuosity50 to get a full 50% off on Virtuosity:
As is always the case, don't expect to see any mention of this
half-off deal on the Virtuosity web page itself. This is only for
Simply enter the code virtuosity50 in the "Coupon Code" field on
the order page, hit "Recalculate" and you'll see the discount
reflected. Easy simple.
And now, let's address a topic that almost all of us as guys
wrestle with at one point or another...
=====
OK, let's say that you've either just met a woman or are meeting
with her 1-on-1 for the first time (aka "going on a date with her").
Either way, for the purpose at hand let's assume that she has
already impressed your socks off.
In fact, you're thinking to yourself that if you ever have the good
fortune to see this woman naked you will have pretty much hit the
jackpot...literally and figuratively.
So NOW WHAT?
More specifically, how do you conduct yourself? What should you
say to her?
You know that if you talk about weather and politics you'll come
off as "neuter" and thereby FAIL at creating attraction.
So you've GOT to show her in some way that you're interested in
being MORE than "just a friend".
The problem is that you may have been told somewhere along the line
any (or all) of the following:
1) Make sure you knock her off her pedestal some by "negging" her.
2) Act indifferent toward her...so she'll chase YOU instead of
vice-versa.
And, of course, perhaps the most infamous strategy (or is that
"stragedy"?) of all...
Now listen. I fully understand the thought process behind each of
those three tactics.
Sadly, most guys who are "newbies" when it comes to interacting
with women tend to come off like desperate, starving puppies when
confronted with a real, live opportunity to attract a hottie.
Such guys might start gushing about how beautiful the woman is to
Or what's arguably worse, they start bragging about anything and
everything possible in a feeble attempt to "impress" her.
So sure...each of the three strategies above are intended to put an
end to these basic destructive tendencies.
But at best, they're "stop gap" measures.
Since there's a lot of "grey area" in how best to create
attraction, there are potentially troublesome issues with each.
If and when any or all of them become habit, you'll soon find that
the proverbial pendulum has swung the opposite way...and that's not
good.
Regarding #1 for example, what if she ISN'T exactly so "full of
herself" and in fact doesn't have the world's most rock-solid
self-esteem?
She could take what you say seriously, no matter how playful you
are about saying it...and that would be counter-productive.
And yikers...MOST women aren't exactly paragons of self-esteem, no
matter how beautiful or generally sharp they are.
As for the second one, remember a woman is a human being just like
you. (Really...I promise.)
Knowing that, how do YOU usually read someone who acts utterly
disinterested in you? Thought so.
And the third one? Ask yourself if that's what you REALLY want out
of the interaction.
Are you the kind of man who honesty prefers to NEVER say something
positive to a woman that might actually LIFT her less-than-perfect
(read: normal and human) self-esteem?
Again, as a human being how excited would YOU be to hang out with a
woman who NEVER, EVER acknowledged you looked good, were talented,
or basically ever did anything right?
You and I both know that we as guys tend to show TONS of disdain
for women who are like that.
And it's equally safe to say that no woman is ever going to confuse
a guy who offers ZERO approval of her for anyone who has her best
interests at heart. You really can't instill a sense of safety
and security in her that way, can you?
So simply put, as you get better with women--as I trust you
will--you're going to want more effective ways to proceed.
Slapping a Band-Aid on the problem won't cut it.
Now, as you've observed guys who appear to be doing well with
women, I'm sure you've noticed something that might strike you as
somewhat odd.
They actually give women compliments. There's no denying it.
But here's the amazing part. Contrary to what all the "newbie"
guides you've read suggest, they actually GET SOMEWHERE with women
by doing so.
In fact, some guys can give women all sorts of complimentary
indicators of "approval" and still charm her to no end.
But wait, isn't that sort of "nice" stuff supposed to fail
miserably?
Not so fast.
"Mr. Nice Guy's" problem is that he's on his best behavior because
he's either TRYING to "impress" her or he's worried about offending
her and LOSING her.
Meanwhile, those guys you've seen out there who know what they're
doing are speaking to a woman what they TRULY think about her for
COMPLETELY different reasons.
Usually, one such reason is that they are CONFIDENT that any woman
in her right mind should find them inherently attractive.
Therefore, there's no need to "impress" a woman. Compliments and
other clear demonstrations of interest are honest and sort of
matter-of-fact, actually.
But there's another reason why giving women compliments works FOR
these guys instead of AGAINST them.
Usually, guys who are effective with women give approval to them
when they've expressly EARNED it.
In other words, there's no "halo effect" when they interact with
ANY woman. There's no "pre-approval" of her as some sort of
goddess or something.
Guys who are good at this stuff wait until they hear about how she
donates her time to the homeless before telling her they're "proud
of her".
Similarly, they wait until she has done her hair up in a special
way just to go out on a date with him...and THEN they tell her how
beautiful her hair looks.
Can you detect the very clear difference between what's going on
there and the "Staving Chihuahua Syndrome"?
To spell it out, the difference between NEEDY, DESPERATE
compliments (or any needy, desperate attention, really) and the
kind of attention women LIKE is very clear-cut.
Needy, desperate guys give women approval based on FEAR OF LOSS.
What they are actually seeking is HER APPROVAL of them. They are
GIVING in order to GET.
This comes off as extraordinarily weak...not exactly becoming of a
masculine man who is both a provider and a protector.
Meanwhile, where there is NO fear of loss, compliments come off as
more heartfelt and genuine.
Because a man who is NOT desperate or needy is a chooser instead of
a chaser, the woman tends to actually feel PRIVILEGED to hear a
compliment from him. It means something to her.
Once again, let's talk in "human" terms rather than "man vs.
woman".
What kind of approval means more to you? The kind that's thrown at
you out of desperation (which may even come off as manipulation, if
you think about it), or the kind that is genuinely EARNED from
someone who means it?
Thought so.
If a woman is beautiful and talented, she wants to hear it from
you...but only after she knows you have a truly informed frame of
reference.
And by the way, since women follow your lead, it's especially
crucial not to turn the "newbie" strategy of "never giving a woman
compliments" into a lifetime habit.
Can you see why? That would be one miserable life together indeed.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2015. All Rights Reserved.
As is always the case, don't expect to see any mention of this
half-off deal on the Virtuosity web page itself. This is only for
newsletter subscribers, and only for the next 48 hours:
Simply enter the code virtuosity50 in the "Coupon Code" field on
the order page, hit "Recalculate" and you'll see the discount
reflected. Easy simple.
And now, let's address a topic that almost all of us as guys
wrestle with at one point or another...
=====
HOW TO GIVE HER COMPLIMENTS WITHOUT LOOKING NEEDY OR DESPERATE
OK, let's say that you've either just met a woman or are meeting
with her 1-on-1 for the first time (aka "going on a date with her").
Either way, for the purpose at hand let's assume that she has
already impressed your socks off.
In fact, you're thinking to yourself that if you ever have the good
fortune to see this woman naked you will have pretty much hit the
jackpot...literally and figuratively.
So NOW WHAT?
More specifically, how do you conduct yourself? What should you
say to her?
You know that if you talk about weather and politics you'll come
off as "neuter" and thereby FAIL at creating attraction.
So you've GOT to show her in some way that you're interested in
being MORE than "just a friend".
The problem is that you may have been told somewhere along the line
any (or all) of the following:
1) Make sure you knock her off her pedestal some by "negging" her.
2) Act indifferent toward her...so she'll chase YOU instead of
vice-versa.
And, of course, perhaps the most infamous strategy (or is that
"stragedy"?) of all...
3) NEVER give a woman a compliment...ever.
Now listen. I fully understand the thought process behind each of
those three tactics.
Sadly, most guys who are "newbies" when it comes to interacting
with women tend to come off like desperate, starving puppies when
confronted with a real, live opportunity to attract a hottie.
Such guys might start gushing about how beautiful the woman is to
them, sort of like Enos always did to "Miss Daisy" in The Dukes Of
Hazzard.
Or what's arguably worse, they start bragging about anything and
everything possible in a feeble attempt to "impress" her.
So sure...each of the three strategies above are intended to put an
end to these basic destructive tendencies.
But at best, they're "stop gap" measures.
Since there's a lot of "grey area" in how best to create
attraction, there are potentially troublesome issues with each.
If and when any or all of them become habit, you'll soon find that
the proverbial pendulum has swung the opposite way...and that's not
good.
Regarding #1 for example, what if she ISN'T exactly so "full of
herself" and in fact doesn't have the world's most rock-solid
self-esteem?
She could take what you say seriously, no matter how playful you
are about saying it...and that would be counter-productive.
And yikers...MOST women aren't exactly paragons of self-esteem, no
matter how beautiful or generally sharp they are.
As for the second one, remember a woman is a human being just like
you. (Really...I promise.)
Knowing that, how do YOU usually read someone who acts utterly
disinterested in you? Thought so.
And the third one? Ask yourself if that's what you REALLY want out
of the interaction.
Are you the kind of man who honesty prefers to NEVER say something
positive to a woman that might actually LIFT her less-than-perfect
(read: normal and human) self-esteem?
Again, as a human being how excited would YOU be to hang out with a
woman who NEVER, EVER acknowledged you looked good, were talented,
or basically ever did anything right?
You and I both know that we as guys tend to show TONS of disdain
for women who are like that.
And it's equally safe to say that no woman is ever going to confuse
a guy who offers ZERO approval of her for anyone who has her best
interests at heart. You really can't instill a sense of safety
and security in her that way, can you?
So simply put, as you get better with women--as I trust you
will--you're going to want more effective ways to proceed.
Slapping a Band-Aid on the problem won't cut it.
Now, as you've observed guys who appear to be doing well with
women, I'm sure you've noticed something that might strike you as
somewhat odd.
They actually give women compliments. There's no denying it.
But here's the amazing part. Contrary to what all the "newbie"
guides you've read suggest, they actually GET SOMEWHERE with women
by doing so.
In fact, some guys can give women all sorts of complimentary
indicators of "approval" and still charm her to no end.
But wait, isn't that sort of "nice" stuff supposed to fail
miserably?
Not so fast.
"Mr. Nice Guy's" problem is that he's on his best behavior because
he's either TRYING to "impress" her or he's worried about offending
her and LOSING her.
Meanwhile, those guys you've seen out there who know what they're
doing are speaking to a woman what they TRULY think about her for
COMPLETELY different reasons.
Usually, one such reason is that they are CONFIDENT that any woman
in her right mind should find them inherently attractive.
Therefore, there's no need to "impress" a woman. Compliments and
other clear demonstrations of interest are honest and sort of
matter-of-fact, actually.
But there's another reason why giving women compliments works FOR
these guys instead of AGAINST them.
Usually, guys who are effective with women give approval to them
when they've expressly EARNED it.
In other words, there's no "halo effect" when they interact with
ANY woman. There's no "pre-approval" of her as some sort of
goddess or something.
Guys who are good at this stuff wait until they hear about how she
donates her time to the homeless before telling her they're "proud
of her".
Similarly, they wait until she has done her hair up in a special
way just to go out on a date with him...and THEN they tell her how
beautiful her hair looks.
Can you detect the very clear difference between what's going on
there and the "Staving Chihuahua Syndrome"?
To spell it out, the difference between NEEDY, DESPERATE
compliments (or any needy, desperate attention, really) and the
kind of attention women LIKE is very clear-cut.
Needy, desperate guys give women approval based on FEAR OF LOSS.
What they are actually seeking is HER APPROVAL of them. They are
GIVING in order to GET.
This comes off as extraordinarily weak...not exactly becoming of a
masculine man who is both a provider and a protector.
Meanwhile, where there is NO fear of loss, compliments come off as
more heartfelt and genuine.
Because a man who is NOT desperate or needy is a chooser instead of
a chaser, the woman tends to actually feel PRIVILEGED to hear a
compliment from him. It means something to her.
Once again, let's talk in "human" terms rather than "man vs.
woman".
What kind of approval means more to you? The kind that's thrown at
you out of desperation (which may even come off as manipulation, if
you think about it), or the kind that is genuinely EARNED from
someone who means it?
Thought so.
If a woman is beautiful and talented, she wants to hear it from
you...but only after she knows you have a truly informed frame of
reference.
And by the way, since women follow your lead, it's especially
crucial not to turn the "newbie" strategy of "never giving a woman
compliments" into a lifetime habit.
Can you see why? That would be one miserable life together indeed.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2015. All Rights Reserved.
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