[X&Y] So Do Likes Or Opposites Attract? (Part Two)
Published: Wed, 04/29/15
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Here's Part Two in the series on why it's
important for couples to be both "alike" or "opposite" in order togenuinely attract each other long term.
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SO DO LIKES OR OPPOSITES ATTRACT? (PART TWO)
Last time in Part One we covered how you and a prospective
long-term partner should be ALIKE.
But you'll also remember that I introduced the idea that a man and
a woman, if TRULY compatible, should be BOTH alike AND different.
So then, in what ways should your perfect female companion be
OPPOSITE from you?
Well, considering how unique human beings tend to be the only way I
know how to objectively describe that to you is by sharing some of
the real-world ways Emily and I are very different.
For example, if you find us seated next to each other on a 14-hour
flight (like we were about a week ago), I'll either be dreaming up my
next program for you guys or writing the next newsletter.
Emily will probably be doing sudoku puzzles.
I'd rather watch paint dry than do sudoku puzzles.
Then again, Emily happily does our taxes every year, which is a
great source of joy to me.
I can even see WHY she'd enjoy doing the taxes. They're sort of
like sudoku puzzles, only with an actual sense of accomplishment as
a result of completing them. Nice.
Meanwhile, I'm the one who always seems to dream up ways to get us
to places like The Galapagos Islands instead of just watching
footage of Blue Footed Boobies on the Travel Channel.
That's because I'm the "daydreamer" and she's the "pragmatic" one
around here. As fortune would have it, there's a solid place in a
good relationship for BOTH of those areas of specialization.
Similarly, when it comes to money Emily is an excellent "saver"
whereas I'm the one encouraging us to drop a buck here and there
and "live a little". That makes for a nice balance.
I tend to be the one who doesn't procrastinate. She tends to keep
the house in order better than I do.
She is excellent at keeping our son well fed and well behaved. I'm
pretty good at building his dreams and strengthening his self-image.
When we travel, she figures out the details on how to get from the
airport to our hotel. But when our flight actually lands and we
pick up our luggage, I'm the one who negotiates with the cab driver
because I'm the "talker" in the family.
And together--what do you know--life runs like a well-oiled machine,
at least most of the time.
That's because when it comes to mechanics (or "logistics" or
"operations", if you prefer), we have a near perfect mix of
COMPLETELY OPPOSITE interests in that regard.
At this point, allow me to show you the other side of the coin so
you can fully grasp the gravitas of what I'm telling you here.
In your past, have you ever met a girl who you were so sexually hot
for it was almost ridiculous, but you pretty much COULDN'T STAND
HER?
I think you know what I'm talking about.
It wasn't that you "hated" her, per se. In fact, she intrigued you
to no end.
It's just that she DROVE YOU NUTS with the stuff she did, the
things she said or the way she butted heads with you.
Off the top of my head I can think of two from my own past who fit
that description perfectly: Jenn and Dawn.
Man, how I wanted to just rip both of their clothes off and ravish
them. BUT...simply being around either one of them was the most
taxing experience imaginable otherwise.
Thankfully, although I knew both girls during my college years I
didn't ever have to deal with them at the same time. Otherwise I
may have completely lost my mind.
I remember Jenn and I had to work side by side all summer long one
year. If I made any suggestion on how to get something done, she
disagreed--usually with that irresistibly spunky attitude of hers in
full effect and that decidedly naughty little smile beaming like
the sun. She wanted it done her way...which was usually preposterous.
Finally, one of our female peers had observed our ongoing extended
"foreplay" long enough and called out what was obvious to everyone
except Jenn and I: "You know what's hilarious about you two?
You're EXACTLY ALIKE."
Indeed.
And similarly, I remember one summer when I was about 19 coming
home from date two or three with Dawn (who I had nicknamed
"Goldilocks" because of her adorable cuteness combined with long,
blonde natural curls) and complaining to my Dad about how this
chick drove me STARK RAVING CRAZY...but I just couldn't get enough of
her.
In a manner as dry as Death Valley, my Dad responded with, "Yeah,
well...you'll probably marry her."
Well, thank God I didn't marry either Jenn OR Dawn.
As endearing as it must have been to others to watch my
interactions with those women, being driven insane all the time is
no way to live.
When it comes to finding a great partner, it really is best to be
with someone who wants to cover the logistical things you DON'T
WANT TO, and vice-versa.
Otherwise, you're likely to live the nightmare of an ongoing (and
completely unfulfilling) power struggle.
What you really want is the perfect storm as opposed to a stormy
relationship, see what I mean?
And yes...you absolutely, positively can and should still want to rip
her clothes off, even though you actually get along with her.
Enough already. I think you get the point.
So then, before we wrap this all up it's important to acknowledge
some of the areas that have NOT come up in this discussion.
For example, physical attraction has been completely left out of
the mix on purpose here.
Having seen as many couples who look like brother and sister as who
look dramatically different from one another, I believe it's
reasonable to conclude that personal tastes, biology, pheromones
and/or whatever else you care to throw into the potion all conspire
to cause physical attraction between two people.
Whether couples who get along fine look alike or different from one
another appears to be of little consequence, ultimately.
On the other hand, it's safe to say that what comprises masculinity
will always be attracted to whatever it is that femininity is
composed of and vice-versa...as we've discussed around here at great
length in other newsletters.
More masculine men will favor more feminine women. Meanwhile,
"centrists" in this regard somehow always end up together also,
don't they? (Although I cringe to think what their sex life is
like...if you can even actually refer to it as such.)
And what of the age-old idea of "common interests" that we seem to
cling to as a "sacred cow" in the dating world?
Here's the deal: If you and your main squeeze share some favorite
foods, pastimes and/or bands...great. And if not, introduce each
other to some new and cool things and enrich each other's lives in
the process.
Either way, life is good. In fact, you might be shocked by how
LITTLE "common interests" have to do with overall compatibility.
But make no mistake. It's all-important to make sure that someone
you're in a long-term relationship with shares your core belief
system PHILOSOPHICALLY while "completing you" in PRACTICAL ways.
And practically speaking, that "completes" this conversation.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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