[X&Y] WARNING: Don't Take Advice From These 6 People
Published: Tue, 11/07/17
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Fair warning, this is one of those newsletters that
might stir up some controversy...
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6 PEOPLE YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE DATING ADVICE FROM
I have nothing to hide here, so I'm just going to tell it like it
is.
If you're trying to install a transmission in a '92 Volvo I'm
probably the LAST guy you should come to for advice.
Similarly, if your plan is to architect an NFL-style defense for
the Pop Warner football team you're coaching, I probably can't help
you there either.
I mean, I couldn't tell you if it's even a good idea to TRY.
But having been immersed in the art and science of dating and
relationships for over a decade now, I trust I'm able to point you
solidly in the right direction toward success with women.
Experience be darned, however, that could also be because I don't
fit into any of the following six categories of people who nobody
should EVER take dating advice from:
1. Psychiatrists
I'll admit that years ago I flirted with the idea of getting my PhD
in counseling or something so as to serve you better.
Maybe I'll get around to doing that someday.
But one thing I'm definitely not going to do is become a
Psychiatrist.
Yes, there may be an exception or two out there who are actually
pretty valid dating experts.
But wow...if I had a fiver for every guy who's ever come to me
dateless because his psychiatrist has been acting as his "dating
doctor" I could buy a new pickup truck.
Man...
And don't even get me started about how "when the only tool you've
got is a hammer, everything starts looking like a nail".
To many, many psychiatrists every dating issue starts looking like
a psychosis...or worse, a drug prescription.
2. "Naturals"
By now it's abundantly clear to you that I wasn't born with some
sort of silver spoon in my mouth when it comes to getting girls.
I got better with women by learning the hard way through LOTS of
trial and error.
And my guess is you wouldn't have it any other way.
You see, when a guy is a "natural" who has always been mobbed by
women wherever he goes, then he probably isn't be able to put a
finger on exactly why that's the case.
After all, he would never really have had to think much about it.
As such, it would be kind of difficult for him to impart his skills
to others.
So, in that context he just might end up giving random advice that
doesn't have any real cause/effect relationship.
For example, "Yeah, man... Get a few cats. Women LOVE dudes with
cats." Or, "Just be yourself." Great.
3. Women Who Don't Like You
Let me get this straight.
She just told you that you're not her type when you went up and
introduced yourself to her.
Worse, you did something (or nothing) to piss her off so she
started saying mean things to you.
Then, as some sort of twisted coup de grace she offered some
"advice" to you regarding any future interactions with women you
might meet.
Are you actually going to take that advice?
I know that might have made you laugh, but I can't believe the
number of guys who actually follow suggestions from women who
don't give a rat's behind about them.
This can happen even within your social circle with women you
already know. You just rub them the wrong way and in their
arrogance they try to "fix" you.
Remember always, unless you're seeing a pattern somewhere over
the course of your interactions with lots of women, what you're
dealing with here is ONE person's opinion.
She does NOT speak for every other woman out there, especially if
other women tend to actually like you.
4. Les Miserables
I've actually devoted a chapter in one of my books to the whole
idea of not taking advice from miserable people.
For starters, it's common knowledge that people who are bitter,
negative and/or flat-out unhappy don't typically get excited over
watching others succeed wildly where they have failed.
That can only mean that any schadenfreude-laden "advice" they
give you probably won't exactly be helpful. In fact, it could be the
opposite.
And man...all of this goes DOUBLE if it's actually someone's love
life itself that has made them so miserable.
5. Relatives
The people who love you the most in this world probably also are
the ones who are the least likely to tell you the truth about
succeeding with women.
For example, I'm sure your mom and your grandma have told you to be
a "nice boy" and wear a tie on dates. You know, stuff like that.
By now, you know that none of that works.
That's because it's virtually impossible for any woman who wears
the "mother" hat in your life to even think in terms of your
non-platonic "lover" exploits, let alone advise you about them.
A woman is either tuned in to one role or the other in your life,
but never both.
As for your Dad, chances are he had a hard enough time trying to
talk to you about the "birds and the bees".
Do you think he's going to risk any REAL awkwardness trying to
understand what you're truly dealing with when it comes to women?
I mean, let's hear it for dads who are better about this sort of
thing, but unfortunately they really are rare.
The only possible exception here might be if you're young and have
a big brother who happens to be good with girls.
But even then, watch what he does rather than listening to what he
says.
6. Misogynists
First off, negativity is contagious.
Second, women follow your lead.
Third, it's hard for them to like you when you don't like them
to begin with.
Add it all up, and it can only mean that if you take advice from a
man who hates women you're likely to fall into the trap of thinking
negatively about women yourself.
From there, women will follow your lead...and they won't like you.
You may laugh, but I'm repeatedly shocked by how many guys out
there appear to have an openly adversarial relationship with women
but call themselves "dating coaches".
Oh, and "6a" here would be misandrists. They're no help either,
if that's not obvious enough already.
Despite the list I just shared, there really are some great places
to get good, solid input on how to get better real-world results
with women.
Obviously, a big part of my life involves making sure X & Y
Communications one such outlet for you. But there are certainly
others, of course.
Basically, when you get down to it the proof is in the pudding,
right?
The best advice is what WORKS. For better or worse, that's not
necessarily to be confused with what sells, what sounds good or
sometimes even what's comfortable.
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