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WHAT'S INSIDE:  You're with a woman and she seems to like
you...but it's always YOU who is picking up the phone to call,
sending the first text, and the like.  Is it still safe to say
she's interested?

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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS


Hey Scot,

I don't know if you have time to reply but I have a question.

I recently meet a woman on Match.com. We started with a few emails
then with an online chat that lasted about an hour and a half.

We talked on the phone twice for a total of about 3 hours.

We have gone out three times, I really like her and honestly I
don't remember the last time I had such a great connection with
someone.

My concern is that it seems to be a little one sided. I really do
think she likes me because when we are together she is very
affectionate towards me, but it seems like when we are not together
I am the only one trying to make contact.

I may call her or send her a "good morning" text or a "how was your
day" text. I have only received one text like that from her, and we
have been talking for over three weeks.

Am I reading too much into it?

Also, is three really great dates enough time to suggest that we
try to make it a little more serious? Or should I just let things
progress naturally? Thanks.
 

Andrew (Denver, CO)



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Hello Andrew.  Great questions, man.
 
First, to address your main concern, there's not necessarily
anything to worry about.  Plenty of women are taught to let the
man take the lead when it comes to initiating interaction. 
 
If it really eats at you, go ahead and acknowledge it to her just
to see how she reacts.

For example, "I've noticed you're very traditional, preferring the
man take the lead when it comes to phone calls and things like
that."

Note that you aren't complaining, challenging or worrying.  You're
simply stating a fact. 

Also note that you're confidently calling out the "elephant in the
room", like we've talked about before in this newsletter, rather
than "running away" from the issue. 
 
If she flat-out hasn't realized you're doing all the calling and
texting, it may be because it's simply her unconscious habit
when relating to men.  

If so, that's not unusual for women who have been raised
around traditional thinking from a young age.

Be careful if that's the situation, though.  She may launch into a
stream of "I'm sorrys" if she senses you may be displeased.  This
tends to be an all but de facto practice among women, doesn't it?

Although saying "I'm sorry" a lot can be a sign of low self-esteem
if it occurs often enough, she may genuinely feel in this scenario
that she's let you down.

On the other hand, she may openly acknowledge that she's indeed
been intentional about waiting for you to contact her first. 

She may also be prompted at that point to ask you if you either
like it that way or have a problem with it. 

But at least you'll have reassurance that she's indeed like that
rather than losing interest in you.

EITHER WAY she responds, it's important at that point to take the
lead (as she wants you to anyway, naturally). 

You can either reassure her that you like her old-fashioned outlook
and find it refreshing, or suggest to her that it's perfectly okay if she
calls or texts you first sometimes.  You won't think any less of her if
she does.

Whichever way you want to lead is up to you.

And if you get nothing more than "I don't know", or some sort of
hesitation, it's time to watch carefully.  Is she just being shy or
is she hemming and hawing over the fact that she really isn't as
into you as you think?  

Watch the rest of her interaction with you carefully and connect
the dots.
 
But in all likelihood, if your gut feeling is that she's indeed
attracted to you, she's probably just "old school".  You'll be fine.

As for how slow or fast you want to take things from there, you're
the man.  You lead.  Your reality is manufactured by YOU.

The good news is she'll almost certainly be "old school" about that
also.

If you are a man who has options and you think this woman is
particularly terrific vis-à-vis others you've considered, then
you'll have plenty of clarity when it comes to making her your
steady girlfriend or not. 

But feel free to take your time and enjoy all the steps on the path
to getting to know each other well enough for that.

Remember always:  It's when we're desperate to hold on to any woman
who likes us and can fog a mirror that we're in trouble.  Fear of loss
tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy