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IN THIS EDITION:  Here are 8 ways we as men tend to screw up
first dates with women.

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8 WAYS FIRST DATES GET SCREWED UP


I've been thinking lately about why so many first dates go awry.

Based on some of the emails I get you would think that good
first dates are about as rare as a '86 Yugo in running condition.

Are half of us really that deficient in making a solid first impression?

Or is it the other half of us who are that unreasonable in our
expectations?

Here's exactly as bad as it gets.  I can tell you with a straight
face that I think most of us are BOTH.  "C:  All Of The Above".

Ironically enough, these days people want immediate gratification
even as the concept of "customer service" is all but instinct.

So in a world of short attention spans and preconceived expectations
of disappointment we make dates with people.  Assuming we have
enough integrity to show up rather than flaking out, we expect to be
"entertained" even as we feel perfectly free to leave our "A game"
hanging in the locker.

We're going on dates, but simply put we are not "bringing it".  And
to complicate matters, thanks to online dating many of us are going
on more first dates than ever with people we haven't even MET
before.

In such situations "going big or going home" takes on new meaning.

So then, like Christopher Walken,  "I got a fever.  And the only
prescription is more cowbell."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8fpVNhiqKQ


Here are eight ways we fail to put forth our best effort on first
dates:



1)      Failure To Communicate...AT ALL


Maybe you're nervous.  Perhaps you're playing it conservative so as
not to "blow it".  But if it takes four dentists, two rocket
scientists and a small boy to extract words from your mouth when
you are sitting in front of someone you just met don't come whining
to me when the date doesn't progress the way you want it to.



2)      Interview Questions


This is obvious and you've heard it a million times before, haven't
you?  Yeah well, the problem is that we still keep doing it anyway.

So instead of repeating the problem for the seventy-leventh time,
here's a practical solution:  Take careful note of anything
interesting that you happen to see or read during the day of the
date.  When you meet the person, casually begin conversation using
the topics you've already invested time in preparing to talk about.

Tease a bit.  Use the "banter" skills you've learned.  When you start
hearing "I've known you for ten minutes but it's like we've know each
other for years", then you know you are on the right track.



3)      "I Don't Feel Like Being Here."


I've actually heard horror stories where someone's date actually
SAID this at the front end of the date.

Lookit.  That's practically tantamount to soft-core dating terrorism.

"Hello, A. I'm B.  I really don't want to be here.  No really--I have better
things to do."  You know, I'm beginning to think that flaking out on
someone at the last minute--or even flat-out standing them up--isn't
as bad as it gets.



4)      Distractions


Can you put down the cell phone for however long the date is going
to last?  Can you handle it?  Can you trust that the house isn't on
fire?  Better yet, can you hold a conversation without spacing out?



5)      Mentally Detached


I'm going to dogpile "tired", "stressed", and "preoccupied" onto
this category.

Dates that happen over lunch or at the end of a work day are
particularly prone to "compression sickness".  If you aren't completely
present, well...you aren't all there.

At least that's what the other person is going to be forced into
assuming.  This can even go so far as to creep someone out, which
we all know is the Thing That Must Never Happen.



6)      Rushed


Yeah, you may go so far as actually wanting to be on the date.  You
may even have had a good night's sleep and a caffeine fix.  But if
you are trying to shoehorn a planned 2-hour experience into 25
minutes because "something came up" then you're stacking the deck
against anything good coming from the date.  At least the ordeal is
an abbreviated one, right?



7)      Apathetic Towards Appearance


Emily commented about this to me recently.  She noticed, and I
agree, that people in general are much more cavalier about how they
dress and clean up than they used to be.

Maybe the "business casual" revolution has DE-volved into a "post-
casual" debacle.

Sure you don't want to telegraph some needy fixation on
"impressing" someone.  But that's not at all related in concept to
making no effort at all to even look good.



8)      Sex Focused


Objectifying your date early and often invariably leads to
indifferent response.

And no, this isn't necessarily a purely male phenomenon anymore (as
if it really ever was).

Stop focusing on sexuality and start igniting masculinity or femininity
instead.  You will discover life-changing secrets to getting second dates.

If this doesn't make sense, send me an email.



Remember, this once again--as is usually the case around here--comes
down to deserving what you want.

Are you expecting to meet exciting people who you are actually attracted
to?

Stop arriving for dates expecting to be "entertained" and start putting
some focus on being excellent.  Gotta have more cowbell, baby.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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