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IN THIS EDITION:  Today's topic is a dead serious one, and my take
on it is going to be controversial to many.  But a man's got to do what
a man's got to do.

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IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION

 
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WHAT TO DO WHEN ANOTHER MAN THREATENS YOUR WOMAN'S
HONOR


We've all read advice on what to do when an AMOG (Alpha Male
Other Guy) tries to harsh your buzz when you're talking to a woman.

But what about when things go a bit too far...and using the right "Jedi
Mind Trick" is clearly not going to work?

And what if some knucklehead starts seriously messing with a woman
you genuinely care for?  Here's a great question from Sven in Sweden:


=====


Hey Scot,

I'm wondering if you have any ideas on how to handle a situation
like for instance when another man tries to humiliate you or her
and would probably take pleasure in a physical confrontation?

I don't believe in fighting him (especially if he's a black belt
who weighs in at 250 pounds and is a member of Hell's Angels) but I
would also like to do what I can to handle it well in the eyes of
my woman, if perhaps only by acting in a certain way afterwards.

I'm also wondering if you have any ideas on how to handle
situations where you as a man are afraid to step up and "do what
you have to do" or in a position of inner or outer weakness about
something important, involving in some way being her leader,
protector and so on.

Do you think it's prudent to allow her to know of that fear and
weakness at that particular point in time for instance? Not by
panicking, just letting her know something about what you are going
through?

I see no reason to risk getting seriously injured merely to "defend
my woman's honor" and if she can't understand that she is not the
right one for me.


Cheers,

Sven (Goteborg, Sweden)


=====


Hey Sven, thanks for writing in.  This is a heavy-duty question,
requiring an industrial-strength answer.

The short version is women are saddled with enduring pregnancy
and childbirth, and you as a man are tasked with potentially
taking a fist in the face (literally or figuratively) to stand up
for your woman's honor, defend her physical safety and/or make
other hard decisions in crisis situations.

I realize that's not easy to hear.

But this is at the heart of what separates men of character from
the rest.  You don't buckle under pressure, you take courage when
you must and you stand for what's right no matter what the
circumstances are.

The good news is that when you stand up to challenges in real-
world situations you rarely end up maimed or even injured.

I've had to stand up for my woman's honor before on several
occasions--including with one guy a foot taller and 150 pounds
larger than I--and I've yet to get beaten up.

Generally speaking, when guys are acting like idiots and someone
brings that to their attention, they tend to back off rather than
continuing to look like idiots.

In fact, that one HUGE guy I mentioned actually apologized and
bought the whole table a round.  My girlfriend at the time was
amazed.

These days, nobody gets to disrespect Emily without having to deal
with me in some way.

And importantly, such challenges may come in a variety of forms.
It's not always a thug at a rough bar.

Several years ago a certain podcast host out there was finding it
convenient to hate on me pretty hard on his show.  That I could
deal with, since he comes from a decidedly different perspective
than I do.

But when he made public remarks of a sexual nature about Emily he
heard from me.

He made the judgment to air a live feed of my phone conversation
with him.  Everyone in his audience was a witness to my civil but
very direct words to him on the matter.

I think he was expecting and perhaps hoping for a heated rant from
me, and possibly an emotionally-charged argument that he could in
turn use to his own humorous advantage.

But that's not what he got.

He backed off from his position immediately, apologized publicly
and even posted a link to my site.  After all, he isn't a bad guy
at his core, and neither am I.

He simply needed to be accountable for his actions in the name of
"entertainment" vis-à-vis the real people affected.

He hasn't said anything disrespectful since, as far as I've been
able to gather.  I am now on good terms with him, having accepted
his apology.

So don't get me wrong, I don't think you go picking fights per se,
either physically or verbally.  But I will always most certainly
take the risk to defend Emily, and really my family in general.

I can't just tell her I'm scared in the heat of the moment and
then tell her what I would have liked to have done sometime after
the dust clears.

It's unreasonable to expect her compassionate, understanding
feminine nature to fill in the gaps for my failure to deploy.

Granted, I won't be foolish about it (e.g. if the aggressor is
holding someone hostage at gunpoint, God forbid), but I don't
think that's what most of us are likely to face.

If we as guys exercise solid 20/20 foresight, good judgment will
keep us from venues that are likely to be a breeding ground for
aggressive altercations in the first place.

Further, solid relationship quarterbacking will give you the field
sense to see potential trouble brewing, giving you time to lead
your woman away from it before there's an issue.

But even despite our best-laid plans and solid judgment calls,
you've got to be prepared.

Simply put, boneheads who target your woman should always be
challenged.

Otherwise, your ability to instill a sense of safety and security
in her will be severely compromised, perhaps permanently.

That said, if your relationship with a woman is solid enough,
she should actually help you when the time comes, as long as you
show boldness first.

A great woman will not leave you twisting in the wind in these
situations.

For example:


  AMOG (to her):  "Hey, hottie.  Why don't you come home with me
  instead of this chump?"

  You:  "Thanks for the high compliment about my impeccable taste
  in women, man...but this one's going to be coming home with me."
  [laughs]

  [Note the initial use of laughter, meant to diffuse a potentially
  tense situation]

  AMOG (to you):  "Get lost, Chief.  Come back when you grow up."

  You:  "She's not impressed.  And that level of disrespect toward her
  better judgment is just messed up, man."

  [Note the refusal to descend to his level or fall into the trap of
  'playing his game'.  You call out the disrespect for what it is and
  leave it on the table as-is.]

  Her (to AMOG):  "Yeah, I think I hear your mother calling you,
  little boy.  Your definition of being 'grown up' leaves something
  to be desired."

  [Here, the woman you are with acknowledges your courage as a man,
  and serves notice to the AMOG that his presumption of power has
  been neutralized.]


The AMOG will almost always eject at this point, unless you have
indeed made a severely poor choice in venues.

Most aggressors are simply on power trips in these situations, and
even if they are a bit drunk they do NOT want to start fights, go
to jail, and/or get shot...which in and of itself is a primary reason
why what we're talking about today is a HUGE issue for guys no
matter what their physical size is.

You can't out-muscle a firearm.

But yes, once AMOGs realize they're starting to look stupid based
purely on their own doing, they usually turn their attention
elsewhere.

Sometimes guys who do boneheaded things in public indeed get
a moment of epiphany regarding their ridiculous actions, often
followed by remorse and even an apology.

Importantly, your BOLDNESS is absolutely key here.  You've got
to be aware of your body language, maintain eye contact and speak
confidently.  There's no other option than to be "all in".

When a guy understands another man to have just taken a bold stand
in defense of his woman's honor, that often comes with the sudden
realization that HE is the one who made that unfortunate moment
necessary.

I do not think most AMOGs are okay with being flat-out evil people,
so often this is a wake up call.

But admittedly there might be exceptions to the general pattern.
You may come across a situation on rare, rare occasions when the
AMOG just wants to push the envelope.

You don't have to go it alone at that point.  You can get a manager
or security personnel involved.

But if he physically touches her before that's possible, you MUST
intervene.

Say what you will, but my opinion is that you will lose your woman
at that point if you don't make some physical effort to protect her
at the potential expense of your own safety.

You've got to be willing to take a real, actual fist in the face
for her at that point vs. watching her be physically assaulted as
you look on "helplessly".

But see, my bet is that even a man paralyzed from the waist down
would jump out of his wheelchair and do what he could for a woman
he cared about.

Why?  Because that's our job as men.  Period.

Nevertheless, I think most guys fail to see the big picture when
considering potential situations like this.

Unless you have willingly inserted your woman and yourself into
harm's way by going to a place where violent confrontations are
either condoned or typically go unscrutinized, your bold stand for
what's right will rarely if ever result in the outcome you fear
most.

Think about it.  What guy shows up at a neighborhood restaurant
or the shopping mall and disrespects your woman when you've been
minding your own business?

And even so, for him to physically assault you and/or her when
you object would be no less than a terrorist act.

The problem is that guys fail to deploy when the time comes out
of pure fear or even selfishness, which thereby creates a
playground of ridicule for an AMOG.

To be sure, that's probably what he's betting on.

Even when the AMOG fails to attract your woman away from you in
such a scenario, he will have succeeded at creating a situation
where your woman is sent a very clear negative message about YOU.

I'll maintain with every fiber of my being that having let a
woman down under those circumstances and having sacrificed my honor
as a man in that moment would hurt a lot more than anything some
guy can do to me.

Even if he kills me.

Besides, there's always the off chance you'll surprise yourself
and him should he attempt physical aggression.  And a judge will
understand the meaning of "self-defense", especially if you have
some witnesses around.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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