[X&Y] Blind Dates: Don't Be Left In The Dark

Published: Wed, 08/12/20


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IN THIS EDITION:  Find out the potentially hazardous tricks
your mind plays on you when out on a blind date, and how to
get your head back into the game and deserve what you want.

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NO MORE WAITING.  SUCCEED WITH WOMEN NOW.


If getting better with women is one of your highest priorities in life,
then isn't it time you took control of your own destiny and got it
done?

After all, leaving it to chance any longer--and doing what you've
always done--isn't going to work any better than it has in the past.

Ask any of the hundreds of guys who've worked with me live and
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Putting me to work for you as your personal trainer for success with
women is the fastest and best way to end the frustration and start
enjoying the favor (and company) of amazing women.

I can tell you first-hand.  With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, I was
out of my mind to wait as long as I did to get better with women.

But once I did, I dated higher quality women than I ever thought
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And these days?  Having Emily in my life is worth EVERYTHING
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Imagine getting locked-in on results without ever spinning your
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I'm one of the best in the world at what I do, and spots for 1-on-1
coaching with me are very limited.  If you believe one of them has
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scot@deservewhatyouwant.com



Go ahead and tell me your story.  I talk with every guy I work with
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BLIND DATES:  DON'T BE LEFT IN THE DARK


Let's talk oldschool for a bit.

It used to be that a 'blind date' came about by a simple
conversation.

Someone you know (preferably) came up to you, sensing for
better or worse that you were basically dateless, and said,
"You know, I have this friend you HAVE to meet.  You two
would LOOOVE each other."

Usually this would-be matchmaker was female, as it has always
seemed to me that women love to take on that role.

If you were like me, being the willing accomplices such that we
were, you'd tend to go, "Uh...sure...why not?  What do I have to
lose?"

Now, considering most of us guys are still all about spending large
sums of cash securing first dates that "impress women" with how
artificial and awkward they are, you actually had PLENTY to lose.

But whatever...that was beside the point.

So you went on the date.  And your brain would start to mess with
you...hard.  We're talking fried circuits.

I'll elaborate more on that in a minute.

First, however, let's teleport back into the present.  If you are
like millions of others scattered across the four corners of the
virtual landscape, you've discovered the masterpiece that is
online dating.

You know by now that we're huge believers in online dating around
here, and hope you are too.  If not, click "reply" on this
newsletter and write me.  We have ways of replicating that mindset.

Naturally, this means that "blind dates" have essentially become a
multi-billion dollar industry.

No longer is this all limited to your Aunt Gertrude setting you up
with her bridge partner's brace-faced niece.

Not really.  This is the 21st century, boys and girls.

And come on, let's get down to it:  When you meet someone you met on
an online dating site for the first time, it really is a blind date.

Profile narratives?  Telephone conversations?  IM?  Even pictures?

All are essentially meaningless in the real world much of the time.

When that person arrives at Starbucks you might very well want to
immediately depart.

Or else you'll feel like you hit the jackpot.

Or...your brain will start to mess with you, like I said.

After all, it's a blind date.  And blind dates are not unlike
extreme sports.  There's an adrenaline rush to be had in
anticipation of what exactly is going to happen.

So what do I mean?

As much as most guys have issues with approaching women, there is
one undeniable factor involved there that can bring a lot of
clarity to a man's life if he lets it.

When you approach women YOU are FULLY AWARE of who's sexy as
hell to you and who isn't.

If you walk up to the most attractive woman in the place, verify that
she's a high-quality woman--and she's digging your chili--then you
KNOW THE SCORE.

Way to deserve what you want.

If you go through 20 or 30 women before one actually will hang out
with you, you also KNOW THE SCORE.  You are SETTLING.

On a blind date, that's all off the table and you get no such frame
of reference, really.

You have not chosen someone from a field of many.  You simply have
a certain person in front of you...RIGHT HERE...RIGHT NOW.

You are actually on a real, live DATE with this person.  The heavy
lifting of getting to that step has been done for you.

And that's where "lazy" goes "crazy".  And the longer it has been
since you've been on a quality date, the more hallucinatory the
trip gets.

One of the key hallmarks of a wildly successful dating life is
you are comfortable weeding out people who do not meet your
exacting standards.

This is not a matter of snobbery, it's a matter of necessity when
you have options.

Simply put, relationships that are not exactly platonic are not
the place for philanthropy.  If you want to save the world, team up
with the greatest woman you've ever met and save the world together.

When you are talking about something as mission-critical as having
the right woman in your life, then charity cases need not apply.

But until we get to that place, the Wildly Successful Dating
Place, we often let certain insidious factors creep to the top of
our list when deciding who we're going to date and/or talk
ourselves into being attractive to.

These factors are (in order):


1)  "This person actually finds me attractive, therefore I'm
attracted."

2)  "This person is actually available, therefore I'm available."

3)  "We're already on a date, so the convenience of this set up
sure beats having to go out and dredge up someone else."


I've talked before at length about being "clouded by beauty-vision".

Now we're talking about being flat-out "blinded by blind dates".

No joke.

Seriously, here's where the rubber meets the road:  If you had
randomly seen this person you are on a date with in public prior
to being set up together, would you have even TAKEN NOTICE?

Here's the crazy part...often, if you have the guts to ask yourself
that question on a first date with someone you met online (or who the
admin over in Accounting recommended, for that matter) you have to
answer, "You know, I DON'T KNOW."

It's true.  Sometimes your brain plays tricks on you to the point
where you simply can't separate where the "butterflies" of being on
an actual date with someone end and real, natural attraction starts.

So yeah, you go on a second date, and you may even be excited about
it.  But your brain is flipped out over this.  What is REAL here?

Thankfully, I believe there are several reliable metrics you can
apply that will give very real clarity to the situation:



1)  Would you be proud to introduce your date to your friends?


This is HUGE.  If you are embarrassed by this concept, you're only
fooling yourself.



2)  Have you seen someone else during the course of the first date
who caused your attention to wander?


If you're at breakfast and can't keep your eyes off the chick in the
booth over there, it's your judgment that's been scrambled and/or
fried over hard.



3)  Are you more excited about seeing this person again, or more
excited to just be dating someone?


Can you clearly see the difference between these two states of mind?
It's important to do so.



4)  Were you bored at any time during the first date?


If you find your mind drifting, you're kidding yourself if you think
there's chemistry there.



5)  Do you find yourself justifying and/or wishing away certain
flaws?  


Remember, there's a real-world difference between "perfectly
imperfect" and straight-up "not right".  "Perfect imperfections"
endear you to someone.  That's good.  Justifying stuff that irritates
you or turns you off?  That's settling.



6)  Did you try to justify how much time you spent communicating
prior to meeting?


Are you using all the time spent on e-mail, IM and telephone
before actually meeting this person (or Lord forbid, the cost of
the plane tickets) as a weapon against yourself to "give this a
chance" despite your gut reaction?

Stop kidding around.  It's going nowhere.  Welcome to why most online
dating experts recommend moving from first e-mail to first meeting
ASAP.



So there you have it...a half-dozen highly practical principles you
can use like a GPS to find your mental bearings and get your head
around "blind dates".

In closing, here's some good news.  Once you deserve what you want,
it's amazing how well "blind dates" can go.

Back in college a friend set me up over the summer with a girl who
was going to be in the incoming freshman class where I was going to
school.

I remember being impressed when I met her, but in retrospect I now
recognize how some of the mind tricks I've written about in this
newsletter affected me.

We decided to enter the school year as "friends", but once we were
there I found myself choosing her over all other options.

So my friend had his game on when he set me up with her.  Looking
back, all of the "clarity factors" I listed above were in check.

And yes, the fateful morning Emily and I met all the boxes were
checked as well, even though both of us had options.  And that's
about as much 20/20 foresight as a blind date can offer.


Be Good,

Scot McKay


P.S. Did you know we have a site featuring reviews of all the cool
stuff from other experts we recommend?  Conveniently, we've written
concise reviews of everything.  www.dating-resources.net is
the place.





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