[X&Y] He Did Everything Wrong...But She's Still Around. What?
Published: Mon, 12/14/20
=====
really mean you have a "second chance"?
=====
Even though I'm on record as stating that the best way to know if a
woman is really "into" you is if she's on a second date with you,
I've got to admit that there's at least ONE situation where that
may not be true.
That would be when she's truly desperate for any male attention
whatsoever.
(That's why I say it's really the third date that's the true "decision
maker" in one of my YouTube videos.)
Go ahead and read this account courtesy of Amanda in South Africa,
WHAT'S INSIDE: OK, maybe a woman really will go out on a second
date with you even if she really isn't "feeling it" for you. But does thatreally mean you have a "second chance"?
=====
OK, I'll fess up.
Even though I'm on record as stating that the best way to know if a
woman is really "into" you is if she's on a second date with you,
I've got to admit that there's at least ONE situation where that
may not be true.
That would be when she's truly desperate for any male attention
whatsoever.
(That's why I say it's really the third date that's the true "decision
maker" in one of my YouTube videos.)
Go ahead and read this account courtesy of Amanda in South Africa,
but my solemn advice is to eat a few Tums first.
You're about to get a CLASSIC case study in how exactly to ruin
your chances with any woman you meet.
=====
Hi Scot,
I thought I'd send you this message from one of the ladies in an
online dating group I belong to.
It shows precisely what a man shouldn't do on a second date! I
thought you'd be interested in this email from the dating trenches,
as it were.
[Ed. Note: I've changed the name of the guy and left the woman's
name he dated off the e-mail.]
It's hard for women to deal with men like this, because although
this man is a "nice guy" he doesn't seem to know anything about
generating attraction!
Kind regards,
Amanda (Durban, South Africa)
"Pete arrived at my house and brought me Hershey kisses and some
nice desserts he bought at the food store.
A big turn-off--he smelled very strongly of moth balls--yuck!
[Ed Note: Pardon the interruption here but...WHAT? Before we even
get rolling with this, gentlemen, let's face it. The clothes you
wear when you meet a woman must not only be clean they can't have
been stored for a decade waiting for the "big chance".
Rule: If you even feel like you have to give it a sniff test, the
answer is DON'T WEAR IT.]
We drove down to the river and walked along the bank for about an
hour and then wandered into the downtown.
Then we had a nice dinner.
He took half a vacation day to come see me today. He was as polite
and chivalrous as he was on our first meeting.
He is way head over heels and I heard too many details about his
personal life.
Heard about every operation he's had. I saw all the pictures on his
smartphone--including one of him with his ex-wife.
He was married for 27 years and I am only the 5th woman he has
dated. I am the only woman he has dated a second time.
He told me how much alimony he is paying--a lot--he must be
making good money, LOL!
He talked about his divorce a lot. I kept changing the subject and
he kept saying "I know. I know. I shouldn't be talking about this."
He even told me about the excel spreadsheet he put together to rank
all of his POF matches. Points for tennis, points for hiking, etc.
Even though I lost a point for being over 50 miles... blah...
blah... blah.
He asked me where in the US I would live and then told me he is
concerned because he might interview for a job in the United
States, but he won't if I wouldn't want to live there... I told him
we just met and I shouldn't even be a consideration.
He told me I seemed very guarded and he wishes I could open up
my heart the way he has.
He asked what I am feeling. I told him he is moving too fast and he
needs to slow down.
No chemistry.
He asked to see me again but didn't offer a specific time and date,
so I don't need to make a decision yet.
Think I should give him one more shot to see if chemistry develops?
Or would that be leading him on?"
=====
[Ed Note: OK, first here's what I wrote back to Amanda]
Hello Amanda:
Wow. Believe it or not, this is pretty much a textbook rendition
of how recently-divorced guys often act on dates.
Please tell your friend she most certainly doesn't have to go on
another date with him. She's only settling if she ends up with
this guy.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
=====
[Ed Note: ...And NOW here's the set of real-world takeaways,
especially for you.]
Maybe you have mixed feelings about how I answered Amanda.
If you believe I should have taken up for the guy no matter what,
bear in mind we don't take sides when it comes to gender around
here. Tough love is a "strict mistress", as they say in the UK.
And let's face it. You and I both know this guy has a long way
to go before he's going to be deserving what he wants in the form
of third dates.
We covered the "stinky clothes issue" above, so that leaves THIS
front and center:
If you blow a date this fully and the woman is even considering
going out with you again, you can safely conclude that she's
flat-out desperate.
That's right. When you know you blew it sky high and she keeps
coming back, you can know with 100% certainty that you're dealing
with a woman who isn't getting a whole lot of male attention.
News flash: THIS is how two people who aren't really into each
other to begin with end up MARRIED.
That rarely ends well.
You can tell from the texture of the message above that the woman
writing it feels like she's "settling".
And believe me--you'll feel the same way if you talk yourself
into liking a woman who is generally ignored by most other men.
This is especially true if y'all live in a decent sized metro-area.
And guess what? I already know that the guy in the sad story above
indeed realizes he wrecked the date.
How? Easy. He was saying things like, "I know I shouldn't be
talking like this."
And just to reinforce his impression of how poorly things were
going, she helped him realize how badly he was screwing things up.
She had to remind HIM that "she shouldn't even be a consideration",
after his own mega-desperation sprang forth.
That, of course, came in the form of his announcement that he'd
gladly rest the entire weight of relocating to a completely
different continent on whether she was interested in being with him
permanently or not.
Dude...back off. It's your second date. And more importantly, you
haven't even managed to create attraction yet, let alone devotion.
It's not like Hershey kisses and dessert are going to stand in for
you, either.
But just for good measure, when he committed the Cardinal Sin of
asking her what she was feeling (can you say, "needy"?), she put
him in his place in no uncertain terms.
Well hey...that's the expected by-product of relinquishing all
personal control over the conversation (and by proxy, the entire
date), isn't it?
The whole sordid affair was simply the culmination of him basically
hitting every single bullet point on the "Don't Discuss List" in
order...all the way to the bottom floor:
1) All the mountains you moved just to be in her presence that
day, including taking vacation time.
2) Lurid details of your medical history
3) Pictures of your ex-wife whom you're still mourning the loss
of
4) Your paltry level of dating experience since the divorce
5) How much alimony you're paying (and that you're paying it AT
ALL)
6) The divorce in general
7) That you may be relocating 10,000 nautical miles away, when you
haven't even done the interview yet.
8) How she feels about you
9) And for the love of all that is good in the universe, if you DO
have anything even remotely resembling what I call "The Depth Chart",
keep it a secret. That goes double for any reference to where she
ranks on the list.
All things considered, you can pretty much apply the first rule of
Fight Club to that entire list.
The man would have been better off chit-chatting about religion,
family planning, his porn collection or even politics than ANY of those
things (or at least no worse off).
And the icing on the cake (which may as well be a urinal cake at
this point; it would leave a better taste in one's mouth than hearing
about this date experience) was when he was completely vague about
planning the next date.
It's as if he instinctively already knew he was cooked. In fact,
my edumckayted guess is he did indeed sensed that.
Except, of course, she's actually considering giving him another
chance.
In the land of FUBARs, this situation reigns supreme.
Gentlemen. Listen and learn from this unfortunate story.
If you're newly divorced, you've GOT to make sure you check your
anger, bitterness and insecurities at the door when you start
dating again.
If you're having trouble getting to that point, I have all the
experience and resources in the world to help you get there. But
you can't expect to succeed with ANY high quality woman until you
get that accomplished.
And if you're meeting women online (which you should be), you've
absolutely, positively got to know how to represent yourself as
effectively as humanly possible.
You've got to be a "big four" man...from the moment you post your
profile and every single time you type a first e-mail to a great
woman.
Otherwise, both you and any women you manage to go out with are in
imminent danger of settling.
Ouch. I know that's a tough pill to swallow.
But there's an easy way to get way, way ahead of the online dating
game.
How's that?
My newly-updated program Online Dating Domination 3.0 helps you
cut through the "numbers game" of online dating (and even apps), get
your e-mails answered and go out on real dates with the women you
really want to meet:
That's right. Online Dating Domination 3.0 isn't only about how to
get a woman to write you back.
Sure, I've included foolproof steps to writing a profile that grabs
women by the eyeballs and sends a rush of adrenaline up their spine
as they read it.
"The Fast Track List" removes hidden blind spots in your profile that
may be killing your chances...and does so immediately.
And yes, my "50 First E-mails" section is like pure gold to any man
who has ever felt the infamous writer's block when trying to figure
out what to write to the most amazing woman in his search results.
Facebook. Dating apps. Other creative ways to meet women online.
Armed with this wisdom, you'll separate yourself from all other guys
out there there who will likely never get it...but only because they never
stopped to ask for directions.
Let me ask you this one, all-important question:
Is it closer to the truth that you can relate to the guy above, or
that you'd have no fear of him were he on the same online dating
site you are in your city?
There's only one answer. And Online Dating Domination 3.0 is a
critical part of making sure you've got it right:
Right now, of course, you get 50% off for another 24 hours.
That gives you the entire blueprint to online dating mastery for less
than two months on a site like Match.com
Except from now on you can actually get results online, not just
crickets and pins dropping.
Just to show you how important it truly is to gain every advantage
over the other guys on the dating site of your choice, I'm including
yet another valuable audio when you claim your copy of Online Dating
Domination 3.0.
Not long ago I had the honor of speaking at the #1 trade conference
for online dating industry insiders. I presented to them about all
the ways they can and should improve your experience with their sites.
But here's the amazing part. I was also able to be a "fly on the
wall" as some of the most influential executives--in other words,
the guys running the major sites like PlentyOfFish and Match.com--
held a seminar where they talked about exactly why they do things
the way they do.
Needless to say, I hurried home and recorded every single secret I
heard, and broke down exactly how to turn them all into devastating
advantages in the online dating world.
Let me tell you...most, if not all, of what you hear will blow your mind.
So even though that audio program is insanely valuable by itself, it's all
yours when I hand you your keys to the Online Dating Domination 3.0
Member's Area:
You can look all you want elsewhere, and maybe you have already.
But when you click that link above you'll immediately realize that
you're staring down the world's most complete online dating toolkit.
Don't let another humiliating date happen. Instead, become the guy
who never has to ask whether the woman you're with or not is
attracted.
Won't it be great to be able to rest in the knowledge that she not
only is happy to be there, she's already thanking her lucky stars
that she met you?
I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2020. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
You're about to get a CLASSIC case study in how exactly to ruin
your chances with any woman you meet.
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hi Scot,
I thought I'd send you this message from one of the ladies in an
online dating group I belong to.
It shows precisely what a man shouldn't do on a second date! I
thought you'd be interested in this email from the dating trenches,
as it were.
[Ed. Note: I've changed the name of the guy and left the woman's
name he dated off the e-mail.]
It's hard for women to deal with men like this, because although
this man is a "nice guy" he doesn't seem to know anything about
generating attraction!
Kind regards,
Amanda (Durban, South Africa)
"Pete arrived at my house and brought me Hershey kisses and some
nice desserts he bought at the food store.
A big turn-off--he smelled very strongly of moth balls--yuck!
[Ed Note: Pardon the interruption here but...WHAT? Before we even
get rolling with this, gentlemen, let's face it. The clothes you
wear when you meet a woman must not only be clean they can't have
been stored for a decade waiting for the "big chance".
Rule: If you even feel like you have to give it a sniff test, the
answer is DON'T WEAR IT.]
We drove down to the river and walked along the bank for about an
hour and then wandered into the downtown.
Then we had a nice dinner.
He took half a vacation day to come see me today. He was as polite
and chivalrous as he was on our first meeting.
He is way head over heels and I heard too many details about his
personal life.
Heard about every operation he's had. I saw all the pictures on his
smartphone--including one of him with his ex-wife.
He was married for 27 years and I am only the 5th woman he has
dated. I am the only woman he has dated a second time.
He told me how much alimony he is paying--a lot--he must be
making good money, LOL!
He talked about his divorce a lot. I kept changing the subject and
he kept saying "I know. I know. I shouldn't be talking about this."
He even told me about the excel spreadsheet he put together to rank
all of his POF matches. Points for tennis, points for hiking, etc.
Even though I lost a point for being over 50 miles... blah...
blah... blah.
He asked me where in the US I would live and then told me he is
concerned because he might interview for a job in the United
States, but he won't if I wouldn't want to live there... I told him
we just met and I shouldn't even be a consideration.
He told me I seemed very guarded and he wishes I could open up
my heart the way he has.
He asked what I am feeling. I told him he is moving too fast and he
needs to slow down.
No chemistry.
He asked to see me again but didn't offer a specific time and date,
so I don't need to make a decision yet.
Think I should give him one more shot to see if chemistry develops?
Or would that be leading him on?"
=====
[Ed Note: OK, first here's what I wrote back to Amanda]
Hello Amanda:
Wow. Believe it or not, this is pretty much a textbook rendition
of how recently-divorced guys often act on dates.
Please tell your friend she most certainly doesn't have to go on
another date with him. She's only settling if she ends up with
this guy.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
=====
[Ed Note: ...And NOW here's the set of real-world takeaways,
especially for you.]
Maybe you have mixed feelings about how I answered Amanda.
If you believe I should have taken up for the guy no matter what,
bear in mind we don't take sides when it comes to gender around
here. Tough love is a "strict mistress", as they say in the UK.
And let's face it. You and I both know this guy has a long way
to go before he's going to be deserving what he wants in the form
of third dates.
We covered the "stinky clothes issue" above, so that leaves THIS
front and center:
If you blow a date this fully and the woman is even considering
going out with you again, you can safely conclude that she's
flat-out desperate.
That's right. When you know you blew it sky high and she keeps
coming back, you can know with 100% certainty that you're dealing
with a woman who isn't getting a whole lot of male attention.
News flash: THIS is how two people who aren't really into each
other to begin with end up MARRIED.
That rarely ends well.
You can tell from the texture of the message above that the woman
writing it feels like she's "settling".
And believe me--you'll feel the same way if you talk yourself
into liking a woman who is generally ignored by most other men.
This is especially true if y'all live in a decent sized metro-area.
And guess what? I already know that the guy in the sad story above
indeed realizes he wrecked the date.
How? Easy. He was saying things like, "I know I shouldn't be
talking like this."
And just to reinforce his impression of how poorly things were
going, she helped him realize how badly he was screwing things up.
She had to remind HIM that "she shouldn't even be a consideration",
after his own mega-desperation sprang forth.
That, of course, came in the form of his announcement that he'd
gladly rest the entire weight of relocating to a completely
different continent on whether she was interested in being with him
permanently or not.
Dude...back off. It's your second date. And more importantly, you
haven't even managed to create attraction yet, let alone devotion.
It's not like Hershey kisses and dessert are going to stand in for
you, either.
But just for good measure, when he committed the Cardinal Sin of
asking her what she was feeling (can you say, "needy"?), she put
him in his place in no uncertain terms.
Well hey...that's the expected by-product of relinquishing all
personal control over the conversation (and by proxy, the entire
date), isn't it?
The whole sordid affair was simply the culmination of him basically
hitting every single bullet point on the "Don't Discuss List" in
order...all the way to the bottom floor:
1) All the mountains you moved just to be in her presence that
day, including taking vacation time.
2) Lurid details of your medical history
3) Pictures of your ex-wife whom you're still mourning the loss
of
4) Your paltry level of dating experience since the divorce
5) How much alimony you're paying (and that you're paying it AT
ALL)
6) The divorce in general
7) That you may be relocating 10,000 nautical miles away, when you
haven't even done the interview yet.
8) How she feels about you
9) And for the love of all that is good in the universe, if you DO
have anything even remotely resembling what I call "The Depth Chart",
keep it a secret. That goes double for any reference to where she
ranks on the list.
All things considered, you can pretty much apply the first rule of
Fight Club to that entire list.
The man would have been better off chit-chatting about religion,
family planning, his porn collection or even politics than ANY of those
things (or at least no worse off).
And the icing on the cake (which may as well be a urinal cake at
this point; it would leave a better taste in one's mouth than hearing
about this date experience) was when he was completely vague about
planning the next date.
It's as if he instinctively already knew he was cooked. In fact,
my edumckayted guess is he did indeed sensed that.
Except, of course, she's actually considering giving him another
chance.
In the land of FUBARs, this situation reigns supreme.
Gentlemen. Listen and learn from this unfortunate story.
If you're newly divorced, you've GOT to make sure you check your
anger, bitterness and insecurities at the door when you start
dating again.
If you're having trouble getting to that point, I have all the
experience and resources in the world to help you get there. But
you can't expect to succeed with ANY high quality woman until you
get that accomplished.
And if you're meeting women online (which you should be), you've
absolutely, positively got to know how to represent yourself as
effectively as humanly possible.
You've got to be a "big four" man...from the moment you post your
profile and every single time you type a first e-mail to a great
woman.
Otherwise, both you and any women you manage to go out with are in
imminent danger of settling.
Ouch. I know that's a tough pill to swallow.
But there's an easy way to get way, way ahead of the online dating
game.
How's that?
My newly-updated program Online Dating Domination 3.0 helps you
cut through the "numbers game" of online dating (and even apps), get
your e-mails answered and go out on real dates with the women you
really want to meet:
That's right. Online Dating Domination 3.0 isn't only about how to
get a woman to write you back.
Sure, I've included foolproof steps to writing a profile that grabs
women by the eyeballs and sends a rush of adrenaline up their spine
as they read it.
"The Fast Track List" removes hidden blind spots in your profile that
may be killing your chances...and does so immediately.
And yes, my "50 First E-mails" section is like pure gold to any man
who has ever felt the infamous writer's block when trying to figure
out what to write to the most amazing woman in his search results.
But Online Dating Domination 3.0 goes way beyond that, covering how to
handle phone calls and even first meetings with high-quality women.Facebook. Dating apps. Other creative ways to meet women online.
Armed with this wisdom, you'll separate yourself from all other guys
out there there who will likely never get it...but only because they never
stopped to ask for directions.
Let me ask you this one, all-important question:
Is it closer to the truth that you can relate to the guy above, or
that you'd have no fear of him were he on the same online dating
site you are in your city?
There's only one answer. And Online Dating Domination 3.0 is a
critical part of making sure you've got it right:
Right now, of course, you get 50% off for another 24 hours.
That gives you the entire blueprint to online dating mastery for less
than two months on a site like Match.com
Except from now on you can actually get results online, not just
crickets and pins dropping.
Just to show you how important it truly is to gain every advantage
over the other guys on the dating site of your choice, I'm including
yet another valuable audio when you claim your copy of Online Dating
Domination 3.0.
Not long ago I had the honor of speaking at the #1 trade conference
for online dating industry insiders. I presented to them about all
the ways they can and should improve your experience with their sites.
But here's the amazing part. I was also able to be a "fly on the
wall" as some of the most influential executives--in other words,
the guys running the major sites like PlentyOfFish and Match.com--
held a seminar where they talked about exactly why they do things
the way they do.
Needless to say, I hurried home and recorded every single secret I
heard, and broke down exactly how to turn them all into devastating
advantages in the online dating world.
Let me tell you...most, if not all, of what you hear will blow your mind.
So even though that audio program is insanely valuable by itself, it's all
yours when I hand you your keys to the Online Dating Domination 3.0
Member's Area:
You can look all you want elsewhere, and maybe you have already.
But when you click that link above you'll immediately realize that
you're staring down the world's most complete online dating toolkit.
Don't let another humiliating date happen. Instead, become the guy
who never has to ask whether the woman you're with or not is
attracted.
Won't it be great to be able to rest in the knowledge that she not
only is happy to be there, she's already thanking her lucky stars
that she met you?
I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2020. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.