[X&Y] It's Not You. It's Her.

Published: Sat, 01/09/21



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IN THIS EDITION: Approaching women is challenging.  For women,
being approached can be equally challenging.

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MAKE HER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU...AND IT'S ALL "DONE
FOR YOU"


I know what you're saying.  Subject lines like that don't usually
wind up in my newsletters.

But this is the exception...because there's pure genius going on
here.

You see, there's a famous experiment (go ahead and Google it)
where they introduced couples to each other for the first time and
gave them 36 questions to ask each other.

At the end of the experiment, they were amazed by how close
and "connected" the couples felt.

Some even claimed they were already falling in love!

Interesting, right?  But here's where the true genius comes in...

A friend of mine has taken these questions and made a deck of
cards out of them.  I got mine in the mail, so I can vouch that
it's legit:  Here's a pic I took:



Can you imagine the power of having that in your back pocket
the next time you meet an interesting woman (or six)?

Seriously...this lets you build instant rapport and create feelings
of affection in minutes:



Get The Deck Of Destiny For FREE



And like I said, since the questions are all on cards, it's done for
you.

You don't have to come up with something to say.

There's nothing to memorize:



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The best part?  You can have your Deck of Destiny for free.

All you do is pay shipping and handling.

There are no hidden costs.  No "card tricks".

So you'd be crazy not to get in on this.  Sure, you can Google
the questions just as easy as you can Google the experiment
that made them famous. 

BUT, you still won't have that official looking deck of cards...
which is what makes it all SO intriguing to women, and why
it works so well.



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IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S HER.


Scot,

Just encountered the following scenario.  Didn't have a plan in
hand so I skipped it.  As follows:

Went to the corner coffee shop for lunch, it was mostly empty at 3
pm.  In the back of the shop an attractive woman was sitting alone
at a small table working on her laptop.

She looked very stern, preoccupied.

It looked like a tough challenge so I sat down at a different table
and went about my lunch.

What is the correct approach when someone doesn't appear to
want to be approached?

Maybe the best approach is to catch her later.

Thanks,

Rich (Chicago, IL)



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Hello Rich, and thanks for writing.

Let me tell you, coaching both men and women can get very
interesting.

I'm amazed by how useful the coaching we give men is for women to
overhear, and vice-versa.

And indeed, the number one issue we get from women without a guy
in their life at the moment is "Why won't guys talk to me?"

Assuming there's no easy explanation based on mental health,
hygiene and/or congenital resemblance to a Wookiee, the answer is
almost always because they simply don't make themselves
approachable.

Stern expressions.  Cold demeanors.  Always too busy
(or flat-out oblivious to her surroundings) to even potentially
realize that someone else may want to strike up a conversation.

Sure, some of these women have boyfriends, are married or simply
are not interested in being approached for whatever reason.  Yet
the fact remains that others have no idea they're broadcasting a
non-verbal (but crystal clear) message to "stay away".

Similarly, women act completely cold on first dates so as not to
appear "needy" or "slutty", and then wonder why guys never want
second dates.

News flash:  It's not necessarily because all men are sex obsessed
dogs.  All too often a guy doesn't ask for the second date because he
thought the woman was disinterested and therefore didn't risk the
potential "rejection" of asking.

Certainly by now you know that I'm a consistent proponent of
"manning up" and talking to whichever women you'd like.

It's not a contest.  It's a conversation.

Your manhood is not on the line every time you make a well-formed
attempt to speak to a woman whom you've never met.

And for certain it's important for guys to take leadership on dates.

But sure, each of us is far from perfect...and farther at some times
than others, unfortunately.

Even so, it's all too easy for a guy--or a woman, when the shoe is
on the other foot--to assume he or she has messed up every time
things don't go according to what's envisioned.

But that's not a reasonable assumption.  It's a simple truth that
sometimes the person you'd like to meet could use to work on his
or her social skills.

So the important takeaway is that what you encountered today was
her problem, not yours.

That's important to understand.

If someone doesn't seem approachable and/or even friendly, why
should anyone even care to "bother" him or her?  Right?

I mean, stern, preoccupied people suck, huh?  Conversation
involves two people.  Otherwise, it's just a "versation".

If you really were hell-bent on talking to her, my approach would
have been to call her out directly on how she's coming across,
preferably with a wry smile.

Example:  "You know, I'm wondering if under that cold, focused
exterior there is someone who's actually friendlier than she looks."

Or, "Oh come on...life can't be THAT frustrating, can it?"

Should she immediately smile and "loosen up", then you'll have a
nice chance to meet a woman who may very well have no idea why
men are so "intimidated" by talking to her.

In such case you'll set yourself apart from the masses of "everymen"
straightaway, and she'll have no choice but to be a bit intrigued.

If she bites your head off, you simply cannot take it personally.

If she is rude or unfriendly toward a warm, confident person who is
being appropriately outgoing, it's her problem.

Remember "TGR-R" (The Golden Rule--Reversed), as I often talk
about.  Would you ever treat someone the way she's treating you?
If the answer is "never in a million years", then you deserve better.

In that case, yes, catch her later...much.


 
 



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