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WHAT'S INSIDE:  Lots of men really just want
one great girlfriend.  So why does men's dating
advice generally influence men to avoid that?

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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
 

Hey Scot:

I have an honest question for you. Though I’ve
ribbed you on forums before about how you
always talk about your wife, I think I am very
similar to you in that respect.

I have a very serious gf who I will soon get
engaged to. She is a sweetheart. The PUA
sites really push the concept of being poly-
amorous.

I guess if you’re a 20 year old kid you want
to have fun, and we all have our hedonistic
fantasies even when in a great relationship.

But my question to you is: Do you think it’s
wrong for these sites to push this poly-
amorous concept?

Let’s be honest here- 99% of the women I
have met want a monogamous boyfriend.

Sure there are younger women in sororities
or other between relationships that want to
date around, but overall our society tells
women that they want 1 boyfriend / mate.

To spread this notion to be polyamorous and
that women will respect it--I find it to be stupid
and not realistic.

There’s nothing better than a great
monogamous relationship. Forgetting even
the physical aspect, the emotional connection
cannot be matched.

Should the community be spreading this type
of relationship rather than being playboy PUAs?

I think this aspect of their philosophy is totally
off base. Curious as to your thoughts.
 

Cheers,

Bradley



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Hey Bradley, man. What a phenomenal topic
you've brought up. There’s a lot there to comment
on.

One time years ago a certain well-known PUA’s
marketing guy really pushed me to set up an interview
with him, even though I pretty much didn’t see much in
common between our philosophies.

I kid you not, it wasn’t two minutes into the ensuing
conversation with the PUA that he literally insulted
me for being married.

My response to him was very simple.

I told him what he didn’t get was that I WANTED to
be married. I had been where he is and he had never
been where I am, which made me more qualified to
opine on the matter.

That pissed him off. Oh well.

Several years later he was married...and a dad.

Go figure.

There are several aspects of this whole matter
that are relevant, many of which aren’t obvious
on the surface.

For starters, some suspect that the “bootcampers”
believe they’ll lose customers if they point them
towards monogamous relationships.

I’m not sure I buy into that.

However, if you read any of the masters of
marketing copywriting they’ll tell you that there is
a shockingly small number of major themes that
SELL.

One of them is “immediate gratification”.

The other, as you may have guessed already, is
“lust” (aka “sex sells”).

“Social acceptance” is another, I believe, which
may apply.

For what it's worth, that along with “security” typically
replace “lust” in the women’s dating advice market
quite effectively.

So then, the most commercially successful dating
advice for men selsl lust and immediate gratification.

That's because the strategy WORKS.

Note this is STILL the case, even in the so-called
"#MeToo era".

To spin this another way, you WON’T read about
sexual responsibility, STDs, consent or condom
use in marketing copy directed at single guys.

Nor will you find much about unwanted
pregnancies, obsessed crazy chicks, ugly law
suits or any other possible logical outcomes from
immediate and frequent sexual gratification.

It’s not that all of that isn’t important. Everyone
with a brain knows it is.

It’s just that those topics are a buzzkill when it
comes to marketing.

That stuff doesn’t SELL.

But let’s be fair here. As much as people want
to bust on PUAs, etc. for being “commercial” or
“sell outs”, the naked truth is that selling stuff is
what frees them up to work their craft full time.

So then, for most shops it’s a no-brainer: you’ve
got to default to what SELLS.

Things will change only when the “silent majority”
of guys who really want one great girlfriend stop
throwing money at the “get laid quick” message.

In case you haven't figured it out, I've thrived for
over thirteen years now boldly writing specifically
to that "silent majority" (aka most of you guys
reading this).

But granted, I've intentionally (and uniquely)
cornered a "niche market" of the relatively few
high-character men who are savvy enough to
know who they really are and what they really
want.

Meanwhile, other dating advice outlets for men
will likely NEVER change.  The tenets of
marketing are what they are.

There’s another whole side to this whole
discussion, though, that I’ve never heard
acknowledged.

People are ANONYMOUS on the Internet.

This gives those who “fly under the radar” of
social scrutiny 100% freedom to act out on their
most prurient fantasies without fear of recourse.

The mass consumption of porn underscores
this premise, but so also does the fact that guys
who flame the hell outta people on message
boards would probably call the same people
“sir" in real life.

Conclusion? I really believe that most so-
called "dating advice" for men REALLY IS
“for entertainment purposes only”.

Many, many guys don’t want to be playboys,
they only want to feel like one once in a while.

In real life a genuine PUA lifestyle would melt
most men’s faces off.

And that’s okay.

So for the most part, yes…I’m all about
validating your thoughts.

I would also agree that most women want a
monogamous relationship.

BUT, I will continue to stand behind the premise
that a man should date multiple women even if
his goal is eventual monogamy, simply to get a
solid grip on what he wants.

There’s also the matter of getting to date the kinds
of women you fantasize about so that your choice
of who to ultimately be with is made from a position
of strength rather than weakness.

You know I talk a lot about high-quality women
and deserving them. When you are the man who
great women want, they are indeed very much
prepared to compete for the right to be
monogamous with you.

That sounds crazy, but it’s true. Great women are
reasonable and understand that a high-quality
man is in demand. He’s not going to latch on
desperately to the very first woman who comes
along.

That said, the responsibility of a great man is
immense when it comes to relationship
management.  He must be honest from the very
beginning and never waver for the sake of sexual
convenience.

Likewise, he has to be sexually responsible. If a
man can enjoy femininity without being sex-focused,
then he’ll happen upon the truth that he doesn’t
have to have sex with every woman he is dating.

As preposterous as that last sentence must sound
to some guys, most of those same men are
“starving” when it comes to sexual fulfillment.

But the man I’m describing is “well fed” in that
regard, knowing he has options.

And ultimately, a great man has to make hard
decisions when a woman wants to move faster
than he does. Women do this all the time in their
relationships, and aren’t second guessed. It’s
time for men to reserve that right as well.

And when you DO find a great woman in this
context, something POWERFUL happens. When
you choose her, she TRUSTS your choice. She
knows you had options, and that you chose HER.

This concept works especially well when great
women are involved because they too likely had
a rich set of options from which they ALSO chose
the one they wanted to be with most.

So then, the two of you understand where each
other is coming from, as well as where you are
going.

And when you’ve come full circle with all of this,
rest assured it’s IMMENSELY rewarding. You’ve
dated successfully, had real choices, and actively
chose the lifestyle you wanted when you were
ready to choose it.

From there, you enjoy all the rich benefits of a
shared history, building a family, etc. with the
woman who caused all others to “fade into
Bolivian”, as Mike Tyson would put it.

That’s what happened between Emily and me.

There I go talking about her again. But hey…she’s
a big part of my life these days and we share a
lot of common experiences. And I wouldn’t have
it any other way.

All the best to you. If you’re truly excited about
your future, so am I.

Be Good,

Scot McKay




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