[X&Y] 6 Ways Men Make The "Mr. Nice Guy" Problem Even Worse
Published: Wed, 04/21/21
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IN THIS EDITION: With all the talk about being "Mr. Nice Guy", do
some of us actually let the pendulum swing TOO FAR to the other
side? Here's how to tell...
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"MR. NICE GUY" DOESN'T MEET MANY WOMEN, LET ALONE
ATTRACT THEM
And it's high time you joined the ranks of men who have said,
"no more 'Mr. Nice Guy'" and are doing what it takes to meet
and attract women instead.
What's this magical thing they do?
It's not that they're being a jerk or anything. Far from it.
But they walk right up to ANY woman they want and TALK to them,
without fear of rejection and without feeling as if they're "bothering"
them.
I'm telling you, when you can do THAT, your entire social life
changes, and your sex life soon follows.
Every time you leave the house a virtually unlimited number of
adventures await you as you happen across beautiful, sweet
women all day long...and TALK to them.
If you've ever actually dreaded seeing a sexy woman, thinking
you were sure to "fail to deploy" again, then I want you to
imagine the kind of transformation this would represent.
Life is too short to spend even one more day denying yourself
the true pleasure of meeting more women and inviting them into
your reality.
Nothing is better than boldly meeting a hot, sexy woman and
actually having her smile and flirt in return.
Yes, you CAN make this happen...but only if you bypass all the
misinformation out there about women, kill off "Mr. Nice Guy"
thinking and do what WORKS:
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6 WAYS MEN MAKE THE "MR. NICE GUY" PROBLEM EVEN
WORSE
The "Mr. Nice Guy" problem is super-confusing to many men.
Some of you are thinking you've got to completely stop being a
decent, law-abiding human being and be more like that bounty
hunter guy from Raising Arizona, or something.
Yeah well, if you've ever seen the movie, the Coen brothers didn't
exactly script in a scene where he gets mobbed by supermodels.
Nevertheless, a line of thinking out there persists that getting rid
of "Mr. Nice Guy" habits and tendencies means becoming a total
"idiot/jerk" (I/J) d-bag instead.
To offer some much-needed clarification on the matter, here are
a half-dozen examples of ways guys go about dealing with the
"Mr. Nice Guy" problem in a completely wrong-headed way:
1) Never Complimenting Her...Ever
Oh, man...the old-school pickup gurus used to LOVE to repeat this
one.
And hey, I get it. I really do.
I mean, just look at any reasonably good-looking woman's Instagram.
Anytime she posts a bikini pic or a "little black dress" pic and asks,
"Whaddaya boyz think of my new [earrings/manicure/dress/boob job]?",
what's the result?
You betcha...a bunch of lame, if not downright sniveling replies from
desperate wanna-bes who'll NEVER have a chance with her.
So then, let's put 2+2 together here. Pickup teaching tends to draw
in guys who have absolutely ZERO success with women.
You just can't get too complicated when that's the case. So in the
interest of keeping it simple and giving those guys a fair chance
at step one, they just throw a blanket over the whole issue: "Look,
man...just friggin' STOP complimenting women, okay?"
The problem there is that once guys actually get past step one,
nobody bothers to pull back the veil and reveal how it's actually a
purely logical, good idea to give a woman some semblance of
reassurance or even (gasp!) approval once you get to know her
better.
One major secret to complimenting a woman the right way is to be
truthful about it, which is always more credible than the feckless
flattery proffered by the supplicative, desperate "nice guy".
2) Not Reciprocating Favors Or Other Nice Things She Does
Again, the underlying idea behind this originates from a similar
mindset as #1 above.
We're taught to stop trying to "buy" women's affections with gifts
and stuff.
Fair enough. Doing that really does backfire. Women will only
become truly attracted to you if you're the primary potential
benefit to her in hanging out with you.
But geez, dude...once you've got a sweetheart of a girlfriend who
adores you, gives you backrubs, cleans your apartment and cooks
hot meals from from scratch, stuff's gotta change.
The problem is that "nice guys", if their brown-nosing tactics ever
work at all, only end up attracting opportunistic, deeply selfish
women who gladly take all they can carry. So it's a "lose/lose",
whatever happens.
But see, if you're dating a "giver" then it's time to reward her for
that. You can't just be a "taker" yourself, man.
This is the real world. Eventually, good women get sick of being
taken advantage of like everyone else who's got any sense of
self-respect. If you never, ever do anything good for her she's
going to split.
3) Artificial Jerkiness
This one is as simple as it gets. I'm betting the two words above
alone give you a crystal-clear idea of what I'm referring to here.
Just about the worst thing you can do if you think you're too
"nice" is to suddenly start acting as if you were an I/J
(idiot/jerk).
Know this: Lacking authenticity never works.
Remember, the "nice guy's" problem isn't that he's nice, really.
It's the agenda and/or fear of loss behind the actions. Be a
decent guy who rolls with the flow without being so dependent
on the outcome of a simple conversation with a woman.
If you can do that, a lot of your problems will be solved.
4) Replacing Neediness With Being A Douche
Another fascinating (but pathetic) manifestation of the whole
"pendulum effect" is as follows.
A guy recognizes that he's been too needy and clingy, putting
women on pedestals and basically begging them for attention.
Well, enough of that, right? Instead he decides he's going to be
TOO cool for anyone else, including the very women he'd love to
attract.
Unfortunately, he's not necessarily cooler than everyone else.
He's just acting that way.
And the very definition of "douche" is "someone who thinks and acts
like he's a lot cooler than he really is".
Let's face it--show-offy approval seeking that becomes an arrogant,
ostentatious display is still, well...approval seeking.
Suffice it to say that wanna-be d-bags see even less action with
good, high-quality women than the genuine version.
5) Instead Of Fearing Loss, Becoming Completely Indifferent
It really is fear that causes the lion's share of "Mr. Nice Guy"
behavior. Fear that you're not good enough, fear of "rejection",
etc.
So what do some guys do in an attempt to combat the issue? You
got it...they flip the switch and decide to decide to completely cut off.
After all, that way his fear and insecurities won't be so obvious,
right?
Well, this brand of "indifference", even if it intrigues a woman in
the short-term, is NOT going to contribute to happy times over the
longer term.
Essentially, having a man "go cold" and/or "pull away" is a woman's
worst nightmare.
In fact, that's something that a LOT of women's dating advice
products try to deal with.
So, you could say that on one level it actually works since it
really causes a woman to obsess over you some.
But it doesn't make her happy. If she isn't happy, don't expect a
great relationship.
6) Bedroom Selfishness
If any man thinks a wildly fulfilling sex life comes from expecting
a woman to be his "sex slave" without ever deriving any pleasure
from it herself, then he's got a world of hurt coming to him.
It's really that simple.
Want to be a "bad boy" in the bedroom?
Then talk dirty to her and give it to her like a man.
It's NEVER supposed to be about using her gratuitously, demeaning
her or--God forbid--having zero regard for her personal comfort, let
alone pleasure.
It comes down to this: You certainly don't replace "Mr. Nice Guy"
with idiot/jerk (I/J) behavior and expect to get anywhere with high
quality women.
And by the way, it's not as if there's a "middle ground" between
the two that you're trying to reach. That's another myth unto
itself.
A true "big-four" man is neither too "nice" nor somehow "bad", at
least in the evil sense. Rather, he's a high quality man of character
who does what's right, all the while never being anyone's "doormat".
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