[X&Y] Her "Baggage" Is Packed

Published: Wed, 06/02/21


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IN THIS EDITION:  You almost always hear about how people don't
want to date someone with "baggage".  What's up with that?

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5 TYPES OF "BAGGAGE"


As you may know, Emily and I love to go on international
adventures.  

On a recent trip to Asia, we ended up flying seven different
airlines.

That meant we had to study each airline's respective web
site to figure out what the baggage requirements were like.

As a dating coach, you know where my imagination wandered.

What kind of "baggage" do we all bring along life's journey?

And how much will those we travel with allow?

Those are questions for all of us.

Baggage.  What exactly are we talking about here?  

Whenever someone refers to a potential dating prospect as having
some, it's typically not a positive thing (at least from their
perspective), is it?  But are you ever really sure why?  

Well, my belief is that it's relatively easy to understand what
"baggage" consists of, if only we are willing to do the heavy
lifting necessary to find out more.  

But not over 20 kilos, please...that would cost extra (at least on
China Eastern and Vietnam Airlines).



1)  Emotional "Baggage"


There are deeply rooted things that trouble a person and therefore
create difficulty in relationships.  

This can range broadly.  It may involve fear, distrust or even
outright dislike of members of the opposite gender.  

More often, fear, distrust or even outright dislike of oneself is
where it all comes from.  

Either way, there's some baggage there.  

Something is in this person's past that is being lugged around like
an albatross around the neck, and it's making things really tough
to build healthy relationships.



2)  Relationship "Baggage"


OK, above we covered attitudes potentially brought about by
previous relationships gone awry.  

But what about the exes themselves?  Yep...there may be
troublesome ex-spouses to deal with.  

Maybe there's a particularly jealous recent boy/girlfriend just won't
go away and is rapidly becoming "stalker" material.  

Whoever they are, they're heavy.  

Even if a person is widowed, the attachment to his/her deceased
spouse can weigh heavy.



3)  Childhood "Baggage"


How a person was raised and what he or she went through during the
"formative years" can have a dramatic impact on who he or she is
today.  

Thoughts, beliefs, structures and attitudes become "carry ons" into
adulthood.  

This becomes "baggage" to potential partners when there is
perceived conflict with the persona one seeks to present as a
grown-up.

Note, however, that sometimes this sort of "baggage" might be
exactly what grounds someone in a very necessary way when things
could potentially have gotten turbulent up there.  



4)  Religious "Baggage"


Sometimes our faith evolves as we move through life.  This may
result in belief systems or even an entire world view that tends to
take arbitrary twists and turns.  

Certainly it's a good idea for everyone to have a firm foundation
as to what his or her core beliefs are.  

Nonetheless, often those with strict religious upbringings decide
they don't want to pursue the path they were directed towards
during childhood.  Invariably, this influence is tough to
completely do away with.  

On the other hand, a person may have a very secure faith and find
him or herself attracted to someone who doesn't share common beliefs.  

Almost always, the one whose convictions are more lenient will
attempt to persuade the more devout one to bend and deviate a bit.  

Regardless of which direction the religious influence in one's life
is headed, that person will often be accused of having "hang ups"
by potential partners whose way of seeing things is somewhat
different.  

This is precisely where the concept of having religious "baggage"
comes from.



5)  Human "Baggage"


Ah yes...a frequently-cited type of "baggage".  Kids.  

If someone has kids, especially living with him or her, they may be
considered "baggage" by potential dates.   

It's surprising, however, how often I hear this expressed as
inwardly-directed fear rather than outwardly projected sentiment.  

In other words, single parents tend to worry more that they will be
overlooked by potential partners more often than they are actually
overlooked for that reason.  Keep that in mind.



Based on the list, you can sum up the concept of baggage succinctly
as "anything a person brings along that potentially limits one's
ability to pursue a relationship with someone else".  

Sometimes, certain "baggage" isn't necessarily bad, is it?  It
could potentially keep you from damaging relationships.


 
 




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