[X&Y] The Power Of Shutting Up
Published: Mon, 06/28/21
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IN THIS EDITION: In a world where we're always looking for the
right words to say, sometimes less really is more.
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THE POWER OF SHUTTING UP
Much attention is given to the importance of finding the right
words to say to women. That's because more often than not
some level of conversation is in order when interacting with women.
And yes, if you're good at that you'll have greater success with them.
But don't kid yourself. There's also EXTREME masculine power to be
found in knowing when the time is right to say NOTHING.
Nobody discusses that, which is why I'm bringing the subject up now.
To put it succinctly, men who know exactly when to keep their mouth
shut are the most socially powerful, and indeed the coolest guys in the
pack.
They're viewed as leaders.
To find compelling evidence of this phenomenon, you need not look
any further than Hollywood.
Consider Don Corleone in The Godfather, especially vis-à-vis the
evolution of his son Michael over the course of the trilogy.
How about Paul Newman's classic portrayal of Cool Hand Luke?
Steve McQueen in Bullitt?
Watch ANY Clint Eastwood movie from the 60s or early 70s.
Even Mr. Miyagi in The Karate Kid.
There are modern examples too, of course.
Compare how Walter White conducts himself in Breaking Bad
compared to Jesse Pinkman, especially in the earlier episodes. You
could also compare Saul Goodman to Mike Ehrmantrout, or even
Tuco Salamanca to Gus Fring, right?
Consider the difference between Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker in
the movies they've done together.
It's almost ALWAYS the guy who knows how to clam up--especially
when the stakes are highest--who's perceived to be the badass.
He's the one who people will trust to get the freakin' job done, not
the other guy who doesn't know how to stop running his trap.
I mean Eddie Murphy is hilarious in Beverly Hills Cop, as is Joe
Pesci in My Cousin Vinnie and Danny McBride as Kenny Powers. But
all of those loud-mouthed characters are "anti-heroes" at best, and
none is particularly confidence inspiring.
So what is it about the guys who have harnessed the power of
silence, even when the vast majority of other dudes would JUST
have to say something?
Well, I think anyone who has ever seen an old episode or two of
"Cops" can understand how foolish dudes tend to look whenever they
forego their "right to be silent" when arrested.
To put it bluntly, foolishness doesn't attract women.
Meanwhile the persona of the man who chooses his words carefully
whenever the situation warrants it has no such issue. Women almost
universally ADORE him.
Is it because by knowing when to be quiet he shows that he actually
knows how to listen? Maybe...a little bit.
Or is it that he comes off as being mysterious? Well, creating
intrigue certainly contributes to attraction.
But I personally believe the true magic lies in the perceptions
that a man of few words is calculated and deliberate.
The patience of self-restraint directly translates into mature
discipline, which in turn translates to the masculine power to make
good decisions and to provide and protect.
Those traits, you'll recall, make women horny.
To be sure, we're NOT talking about a man here who cannot find
the right words when necessary. That's not the point. Knowing what
to say is a tremendous skill set to have, and every man should aspire
to acquire it if he hasn't already.
Rather, we're talking about knowing when NOT to say a word--or to be
a man of few words--regardless of how many things that could
possibly be said come to mind.
There's really no question that it's much more difficult to bite
one's tongue than it is to spew forth everything that's on one's mind.
But see, that's the very essence of why knowing when to be quiet is
SO blasted amazing. The "strong, silent type" is strong MENTALLY
and EMOTIONALLY, if not necessarily physically.
For what it's worth, since this is a skill associated with maturity,
welcome to yet another reason why younger women often go
for older guys.
And if you're a younger guy, consider yourself armed with a great
strategy for making women your own age go nuts for you instead of
that older dude.
The good news is we can all do better with practice, even if we
were born on the East Coast and grew up with five people talking
at once at the dinner table (like me).
In fact, all you really have to do to take the first step is to deliberately
give silence a try.
The next time someone wants to "troll" you, take a deep breath, step
back and let them keep talking, knowing that the more they say, the
better you'll look.
When someone wants to drag you into a mud-slinging session, don't
answer them when they ask you what you think. Pause until the
silence is almost uncomfortable, then perhaps change the subject.
If you encounter a guy who wants to brag about his accomplishments
even though you've clearly done better--unbeknownst to him--take
the high road and congratulate him, without any measure of
one-upmanship.
You can bet someone else who overheard the conversation and
knows you well will set the record straight on your behalf. And even
if they don't, so what? The braggart comes off as the lesser man.
So why not put the premise of being a man of few words to the test
the next time you sense it could be the right way to go?
The worst that could happen is you align yourself with Steve
McQueen, Paul Newman and Clint Eastwood.
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