[X&Y] She's "Not Safe For Work" (Or Anywhere Else, For That Matter)

Published: Tue, 07/27/21


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IN THIS EDITION:  I almost always write about attracting
high quality women.  But what if you're getting some interest from
women who you know aren't good for you, but who are so hot you're
finding them hard to resist?  Here's my surprising answer.

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SHE'S "NOT SAFE FOR WORK" (OR ANYWHERE ELSE,
FOR THAT MATTER)
 

Yesterday I was on the phone with a guy who is currently
dating two different women.

According to him, both are beautiful and fun to hang out with.

One, however, had invited him over to her place, with the promise
of cooking an amazing dinner for him.

The other had flirted with the bartender on their last date and
even gave the guy her number, pretty much right under his nose.

Ultimately, once the big picture was sorted out, it was utterly
obvious which woman was better relationship material.

Problem solved, right?

But hold on a second.  That would be based on the assumption that
having a long-term exclusive relationship with one great woman was
his goal.

So then, here's a solid question that begs to be asked:

"If I'm not exactly looking for a wife right now, does every chick I go
out with have to be a potentially terrific mate?"

I mean think about it.

Let's say that you meet an insanely hot redhead who is so
extremely sexy that shes "not safe for work".

And let's say she really likes you, and makes it clear to you early
on that she's "good to go" without any desire for exclusive
commitment.

But she's also a raging alcoholic who curses like a sailor in
public and embarrasses the heck out of you. 

Or she abuses waiters and kicks puppies.

Or hey...maybe she flirts with bartenders right before your very
eyes and gives them her number.

If you're really just looking for a quick fling, does any of that
really matter?

I mean, couldn't you just go for a smokin' hot tryst with her every
other weekend while it lasts, regardless of all other factors?

To paraphrase countless guys I've heard commenting on this very
subject, "Come on, look at her.  Who's going to pass up a chance to
get some of THAT?"

The point seems well taken.  After all, plenty of fathers teach their
sons that "there are women you have fun with and women you
marry".

At the baseline level, that's actually true.  And these days there's
really no doubt that women often tend to self-categorize
accordingly, and pretty much unabashedly.

Looking back, I have to admit I may have even dated a woman or two
who I knew was no darned good for me long-term.  Yet, things
ultimately turned out okay for me, right?

Well, here's another confession while I'm on a roll.  Every single
time I allowed myself to be associated with a woman of questionable
character, I was sorry.

In fact, I learned my lesson pretty quickly.

Sure, they may have been cute and interesting.  But wow, did
they cause drama. 

And in the few cases I let things ride for a while, did I ever get
caught up in a complicated bird's nest of manipulation and yes...
lies.

No matter how hot they were, women of questionable character
were not worth it.

And guess what?  Once I got my act together to the point where I
legitimately had lots of higher-quality options, I really found I didn't
need to compromise.

I met more than enough all-around amazing ones to obviate any
excuse for spending time with liars, manipulators or any other shady
women. 

But NOW let me drop a bomb on you.

That DOESN'T mean every woman I went out with after that was
necessarily "wife material".

Yes, I dated my fair-share of hot, sexy, sweet and fun women who I
definitely was not going to marry.

So what gives?

Here's the disarmingly simple answer:  The list of disqualifying
factors was limited to matters of incompatibility, not character.

For example, I remember hanging out with one woman in particular
whose personality was SO enigmatic I wondered aloud to her how
ANY guy was ever going to be able to comprehend her enough to
marry her.

But she intrigued the heck out of me nonetheless.

There was another who was brilliantly smart and tons of fun. 

But her faith and her values were so radically different from mine
that there was no chance marriage was in our future.

Both of those women were on the same page I was with regard to
where the relationship was headed: nowhere.

Nevertheless, we enjoyed keeping each other company until one or
the other of us found someone who potentially WAS "marriage
material".

You see, in my opinion that's perfectly okay, with the MASSIVE
caveat that a TON of attention must be paid to sexual responsibility.

Frankly, you're always better off not going for "the wild thing"
with women you'd never marry. 

If you don't think things can get out of hand with a quickness as
soon as she gets pregnant, I can only wish you never have to
endure finding out the hard way.

So then, even when both you and the woman you're dating mean
well, you can still theoretically find yourself in a rough spot.

But I'm telling you, when you compromise your standards regarding
the character of women you date, I can almost guarantee you there
will be trouble.

Basic disrespect.  Fake pregnancies.  Late-night surprise phone
calls from frustrated dudes who thought they were the "only one".

Lies about everything from what time they'll show up to what their
STD panel looks like.

And for what it's worth, I'd be remiss if I didn't bring up women
with serious mental illnesses.   

Granted, their condition is not their fault.  Nevertheless, the
problems they'll surely heap onto your life are so profound it's
practically unimaginable.

Unless, of course, you've already been there and experienced that
(which I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy).  In that case you
don't need to use your imagination.

Who needs any of that?  I'm sure you don't.

So stick to high-quality women with their heads together, even if
you don't plan on getting married to one of them for a very long
time.


 
 
 
 

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